Crossdressing To Survive An Apocalypse [BL]

Chen's trembling hand tightened around the gun.

He stared at Skyy lying so peacefully on the moss bed, but his vision was becoming increasingly blurred. His fingers shook so badly that he could barely keep hold of the weapon.

He couldn't do it.

He simply couldn't.

The thought of pointing the gun at Skyy, even knowing it was meant to spare him from becoming a monster, was tearing him apart.

Chen's lips trembled as he lowered his head, desperately trying to steady himself.

"I'm sorry…"

The words came out broken.

"I'm sorry, Skyy…"

His chest tightened painfully. He had spent the entire night telling himself that he needed to be strong, that he couldn't fall apart because Skyy needed him. But now that Skyy was so still and silent in front of him, Chen couldn't hold himself together anymore.

He had only met him a month ago.

Just a month.

So why did losing him feel like someone had ripped his heart out?

Chen squeezed his eyes shut, tears slipping down his cheeks.

He couldn't imagine walking out of this cabin without Skyy.

He couldn't imagine waking up tomorrow and finding that the person who had smiled so innocently at everything, who had been fascinated by every tree and flower, who had looked at him with such complete trust, was no longer there.

The thought was unbearable.

Chen slowly raised the gun again, his hand shaking violently.

And then—

Skyy's eyelids moved.

Chen froze.

For a moment, he didn't even understand what he was seeing.

Then Skyy's eyes slowly opened.

Only slightly.

His gaze was unfocused, almost empty, but there was something different about the color of his eyes. The faint blue had become slightly brighter, a subtle shift that would have been easy to miss if Chen hadn't been staring at him so desperately.

Chen's breath caught in his throat. "Skyy?"

Skyy's eyes remained open for only a few seconds before slowly closing again.

Chen stared at him. His heart seemed to stop.

Then understanding hit him.

Mutation.

Skyy hadn't died. He was mutating!

The gun immediately slipped from Chen's hand and clattered onto the floor. He didn't even look at it. He rushed forward, dropping beside the moss bed and pulling Skyy into his arms as though he were afraid that if he didn't hold him tightly enough, he would disappear again.

"Skyy!"

His voice broke. He pressed Skyy's body against his chest, one hand cradling the back of his head while the other desperately searched for a pulse.

Chen's fingers trembled against his neck.

There was a heartbeat.

It was strong and even beating beneath his fingertips.

The pulse that had been fading only moments ago was rapidly returning. The frightening weakness had disappeared, replaced by a steady rhythm beneath his fingertips.

His eyes widened.

Skyy's heart was beating.

A strangled sound escaped his throat.

"He's alive…" His entire body suddenly seemed to lose its strength.

Chen bowed his head, pressing his forehead against Skyy's hair as a flood of relief crashed over him. The tears he had been desperately holding back finally spilled freely down his face.

He laughed once, but it came out broken and shaky, almost like a sob.

"You're alive…" He pulled Skyy closer. "You're really alive…"

His arms tightened around him as he buried his face against Skyy's shoulder, his body trembling with the force of everything he had just gone through.

Skyy was breathing against his chest. He hadn't died…

Chen couldn't stop crying.

He gently touched Skyy's cheek, almost afraid to believe the warmth he felt there. The horrible bluish pallor was gradually disappearing from his face, replaced by a soft pink sheen. His skin no longer looked like that of someone who was dying.

Letting out another shaky breath, He pulled him into his lap, holding him as close as he could.

"I thought I'd lost you…"

His voice was barely audible.

"I really thought…"

He couldn't finish.

The words were too painful.

Chen lowered his head again and held Skyy tightly, his fingers running through his soft hair over and over as though reassuring himself that he was truly there.

He had never been this afraid of losing someone.

He had never felt his heart hurt like this.

Even now, with Skyy alive in his arms, the fear hadn't completely disappeared. It lingered beneath his relief, reminding him how close he had come to never hearing Skyy's voice again.

Chen eventually lowered himself onto the moss bed, carefully keeping Skyy close beside him.

He turned toward him and watched his sleeping face.

There was color in his cheeks now. His lashes trembled ever so softly as if he was in a deep dream.

Chen reached out and gently brushed the hair away from his forehead. His fingers lingered there.

Why did this person matter so much to him?

He had seen love before.

He had seen it between his parents, in the way they looked at one another, protected each other, and seemed unable to imagine their lives apart.

Chen had always understood that they loved each other. But he had never understood what that feeling was like.

Not until now.

His gaze softened as he looked at Skyy.

He remembered the terror that had seized him when he thought Skyy was dying. The unbearable emptiness that had settled inside his chest. The way his hands had shaken when he tried to hold the gun. The way he had desperately begged a God he wasn't even sure existed to give Skyy another chance at life.

Was that what love felt like?

Was that why losing Skyy had hurt so much?

Chen swallowed, his eyes becoming wet again.

He reached over and gently took Skyy's hand, holding it against his own chest.

"Do I…"

His voice was little more than a whisper.

"Do I love him?"

He stared at Skyy's peaceful face.

The question frightened him more than he expected.

Is this really love?

Chen didn't know.

But whatever this feeling was, it was far too strong to be nothing.

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