Cultivation System: Elder Edition

Chapter 461

Songs of Survival (VIII)

These kids are stupid.

I mean, I don't like thinking that way, as all children are special in their own ways--bla, bla, bla--but these kids are fucking stupid.

They literally helped me start a fire and then sat around in a circle as I began to fry and boil and prepare a meal for them, in the process actually telling me about themselves. Supposedly, they were members of a rather small sect from the far south that focused on beast-rearing. As they were too young, they were yet to form a bond with a beast, but all cultivators of their sect also practice body cultivation methods, which was why they dared to come here.

Though they all said their names, I really only remembered the girl's--Duo Xin. Which explained them teasing her about being 'suspicious'.

"What are you doing now, Senior?" They stopped calling me old man and started calling me Senior at some point.

"I'm braising the meat," I said.

"What is that?" Duo Xin asked, her eyebrows immediately dancing. "Is it some old word for poisoning? Are you poisoning our food?!"

"Hm, yes," I said. "My sect practices the art of poisons, and the final challenge before becoming an Immortal is that I cook a meal in front of someone while poisoning that very meal. We call it 'Blinding the Eyes but without any actual things that blind the eyes!'. And braising is a secret word that only we know, and we say it just because we find it fun to say."

"..." her frown deepened as others smiled faintly. "If you're not going to explain what it is, then why speak at all? Humph."

"It's a way to better tenderize tough cuts of meat," I said. "So that when you chew it, you don't unhinge your jaw cutting through it."

"If the meat is tough to chew, just use Qi," she said.

"Ah, yes. But I don't eat merely to be full," I said. "I eat to dine. If you are going to use Qi, why even bother with anything? Just find a cow, bite into it, and start chewing."

"When did you learn how to cook, Senior?" one of the boys asked.

"Hmm. I must have been nineteen, I think?" I said, reminiscing back to my college days. "I was surviving off of fast--ly prepared food that had neither taste nor nutrition. I missed my mother's cooking from when I was young, you see, and learned to try and replicate it. Never did; even at her worst, she was ten times the cook I was at my best, but even knowing what little I did allowed me to prepare food that was quite tasty."

"Ooh. Do you then follow the Dao of Cooking?"

"... boy, you guys don't listen to a word I say, huh?" I eyed them oddly. "I just said that I couldn't even cook nearly as well as my mortal mother. And you think I follow the Dao of Cooking? Do you all follow the Dao of Ignoring Everything Other People Say?"

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"He he~" As their laughter rang out, I sighed, wondering whether their Masters and Elders knew just how... uh, unprepared these kids are.

What if I really were some scummy scum looking to poison or exploit then? They've basically been taken in by some sweet, vague words and are now sitting in a circle without an ounce of worry. No, seriously, at least have your Qi ready to go or have an active defensive art, anything.

Even the 'suspicious' one had started salivating and staring at the cauldron as the scent of food began to disperse through the air.

"W-wow! That smells so good!"

"It's almost like Little Da's cooking! To think we won't have to eat grass and grain..."

"C-careful, you guys!" Duo Xin swallowed a mouthful and warned. "He, he still might try to pull something! Have you ever heard of an old, kind Senior who makes food for random Juniors he's never met before in his life?"

"No..."

"Now that you mention it."

"Could this be the first?"

"Hmm."

As murmurs echoed out, I just rolled my eyes and focused on finishing the meal. I mean, she's right--absolutely.

... but isn't it a bit too late? I can already tell that none of these kids are passing up on a meal, she included. In fact, if I were a betting man, I'd bet on her being the first one to wolf the entire thing and then claim she did it to 'test the food and make sure it has no poison'.

In fact, I didn't even have to wait for the meal to be ready. She just straight-up said it.

"I--I'll eat first! To make sure you didn't do anything funny to the food!" She'd be a whole lot more convincing if there wasn't a food-colored glaze in her eyes and if her lips weren't quivering as she stared at the boiling steam.

"..."

I stayed silent, though made a decision to have a serious talk with them when they ate. Even if I could just wash my hands and leave, I... well, I can't. It's not that they remind me of my kids, but I've just come to learn how little the kids in this world are allowed to just be kids. If at all.

No, perhaps this is exactly the reason why--maybe these guys were allowed to just be kids, and that's why they're so trusting.

"Alright, here you go. Eat slowly, appreciate it," I said as I handed over the plate to the girl, who took it with trembling hands, sitting down and attempting to eat it slowly.

... for about two seconds.

And then two seconds later, the meal was gone. Well, not literally--it did take close to a minute, but it was rather... impressive watching her unhinge her jaw and literally vacuum the food as though she were a cat who'd never been fed, not once in her entire life. Never.

"You've actually eaten it, ha ha!" I said, seeming to startle them. "You've fallen right into my trap!"

"I--I knew it! What did you do to me, you beast?!"

"Wow," I exclaimed softly, staring at them in awe. "Can I be honest with you guys? Without you becoming too angry?"

"What is it, Senior?"

"Speak your mind!"

"You guys... do other kids in your Sect ever make fun of you?" I asked in as roundabout a way as I could.

"Sometimes."

"Yes, sometimes. Seniors Lu, Lao, and Kong especially."

"Even Elders Min and Su."

"Sometimes Juniors Xua and Tao, too."

"Why do you ask, Senior?"

"No reason, no reason." Okay, that was way bigger of a landmine than I thought it would be.

Somewhere in my heart, a thought emerged--that they weren't so much sent here to 'train' as they were to just... disappear. Because it was practically a guarantee. How they survived until now is probably a miracle in and of itself.

But that thought disappeared rather quickly.

After all, all this while, I could practically feel somebody in the shadows staring at me. They were subtle at first, but by now they were practically screaming at me to just shut up.

"Alright, don't just sit there. Come, take your plate. There's more than enough for everyone."

As I watched them swarm me, I noticed a strange, unbecoming piece of cloth warp around a nearby... nothing. The cloth became shapely, like a person, red and dirty. The 'person' was squatting behind a boulder, one hand at their waist, grabbing hold of something that looked like a handle of a weapon.

... Eternity is literally wrapped all around you, and you still don't notice it? How is that actually possible?!

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