Rising Shards

I sat on the campus beach with Zeta, for some reason both of us in uniform. Snow fell around us, but we didn’t seem to notice. Then a moment later, Zeta had that bathrobe on again. She dipped a toe in the freezing water, her laugh more of a giggle this time.

“The water’s a bit cold,” Zeta said. “Kay, are you ready?”

“Yes!” I said.

Zeta undid the belt of her bathrobe with ease. I saw a glimpse of her stomach around her belly button. A bitter wind blew, but I couldn’t feel it.

Of course, I woke up right there again.

I was mad at my subconscious for not even getting the beach part right, but maybe I could use that to motivate me on my quest. That was the hope at least, but on the trolley ride over I was really crabby.

What ‘quest’ do I mean exactly? Trying to find a secret place to make out with Zeta and watch her take her clothes off? At the beach? At a Cani powered bubble of summer weather in the middle of winter? I didn’t even bring a bathrobe. This whole thing is making me stupid. I don’t claim to be the smartest student or anything but I’m losing what meager bits of intelligence I have.

I was probably fooling myself. There was no way with the group of people we were with that we could break away. Plus however many others we were there.

Maybe it won’t even be a bubble of a nice, summer day. It did not appear that we were a group headed to a sunny beach. We were bundled up in winter coats and hats and scarves. I was skeptical on the drive that we’d even see sun with how cloudy it was out. Maybe my dream would be right and we’d be trying to have fun on snow covered sand.

Kalei was a chatterbox as usual, talking up Fauni and her friends while the rest of us were still half asleep (I did sleep well in spite of my staying up late but we had to be right out the door early in the morning for our adventure).

“So is it gonna feel like a sauna or something going from the cold to this?” Kalei asked.

"Yeah, the shift in climates will be weird, so make sure y’all get something to drink when we get there!" Fauni said. “And on the way out, too.”

"You're really nice to us in spite of Oka nearly boning up this whole thing up,” Kalei said.

I didn’t have the will to say anything back, in a mix of waking up and nervous anticipation.

"I voted that we didn’t try to invite her again," Astrid said.

"But I'd rather go with Oka post-her-raging than go with Chellsi and Mikeila-Keila," Erika said. "Cuz once you get them in, Ovie inevitably comes with, and do you want to go to the beach with Ovie?"

The last time Zeta and I took a trolley this way, Ovie was along, and was a big bully. We were on the same tram line, going a bit past Iho Vinai, the weird little town with lots of Tower of Hate and Love connections. When Iho Vinai was a blur beside us, Zeta snapped up like a puppy hearing someone at the door.

“We need to go back there soon,” Zeta said. “I want to see if they got the winter set of Tower merch!”

I reminisced a bit about our adventure in Iho Vinai with Aira and Laenie. Things had changed so much between all of us and we'd all grown in various ways, but my gremlin brain only gave passing thoughts to that, mainly focusing on the farmlands, thinking I bet we wouldn't get caught if we were out there. I didn't say that to Zeta, because I figured she'd think there really was something wrong with me, instead chatting about what merchandise from the winter version of her favorite TV show she wanted the most.

When the trolley came to a halt, I almost wondered if we'd taken a trip into the void somehow. It really felt like we switched worlds, going from a cold, wintry, dreary skied place to a bright and sunny and warm beach. The ones in our group who had done this before didn't react to this as much, but the rest of us audibly gasped.

Fauni wasn't kidding about the effects of shifting weather like that. I felt a bit foggy, so our first stop (after we got our coats and such off) was a milkshake shack by the sandy parking lots. Then once we were acclimated a bit and checked in, we headed to the changing building to get dressed.

There were individual stalls to change in, and I hesitated before entering even after the others had gone in. My heart was pounding, and my hands were clasped tightly together.

Just be normal, just be normal, just be normal. It's like changing in the locker room, or changing in our rooms, we never made a big deal about it.

"Just be normal?" Roux said.

"Huh?" I said.

"What?"

For some reason, Roux was standing beside me. I was fairly certain I didn't see them on the trolley.

"You muttered 'just be normal,' and I'm sorry to say that probably isn't happening," Roux said.

I hoped I didn't actually say it out loud, but I was less certain about that.

"When did you get here?" I asked. "I didn't see you on the bus."

"Koridia let this whole shindig slip in the gamer chat, and I demanded to be brought along," Roux said. "My request was denied, so I snuck in the trunk."

"I...don't believe you," I said. I had been taught by Kalei long ago not to believe Roux's tall tales.

"Believe me or not, that is your prerogative," Roux said. "What's more important is I know what your deal is right now."

“My deal, huh?” I said.

Roux could be fun, and were fun to talk to, but they could also be a pain. People threw Roux a lot of crap for the latter, so I tried to be understanding. This was tough when I was in the mood I was in.

"Cani have a natural, unspeakable urge to get back to our natural, wilder selves,” Roux said. “Therefore, with you as down bad for Zeta as you are—"

“I really don’t want to talk about this sort of thing with you, no offense,” I said.

"But I have really good advice!" Roux said.

I had barely registered that we’d walked away from the changing stalls, so at least nobody else heard any of that. I only had a bit before someone would come out. I shrugged, and Roux took that as a cue to continue.

“As I was saying, with you thirsting for your missus, your Cani side is telling you to get out into the wild and do some freakiness in said wild. You’ve probably been unable to do anything about that on our chaotic campus, so you’re pretty goofed up at the moment. And you and Zeta are highly anxious folk so acting on your baser urges probably has at least twenty extra steps just coming to terms with any of it. You’re basically a bottle of shaken up soda pop about to explode. But in an aroused way rather than carbonated.”

Roux had a way with words. It was painful having my current status told to me like that.

“Is that 'wild desire' really a Cani thing?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, I read it in a bunch of books,” Roux said. “Like one of the most universal traits about Cani is in the ol’ public category, if you catch my drift.”

“I don’t, and I don’t really like that phrasing,” I said. "What did you read, science books?"

"Or..." Roux smiled in sync with their ears going back.

"Or?"

"Well, they weren't scientific, but I'm sure they were rooted in science," Roux said.

"Were they romance novels?" I asked.

"There wasn't a lot of romance time, if you catch my drift again,"

“I didn’t catch the drift the first time, but I think I got it now,” I said.

“My advice is to give up on it today, though,” Roux said. “A beach won’t yield you a lot of privacy.”

“What do you suggest, then?” I asked.

“I’ve been doing some cave diving for my own purposes,” Roux said. “I think caves are your best bet.”

“Probably couldn’t even see anything,” I muttered.

As I changed into my swimsuit, I decided that I didn’t agree with all of what Roux said. The nature part for me was mainly from the dream, I didn’t buy that it was some shared Cani craving. I saw that commercial that said every Cani likes pickles on our pizzas, and I am fairly certain I don’t like that.

I didn't want to do this just because we were outside or in public or whatever like Roux was implying. I just wanted a place just for Zeta and me that I couldn't find at school. This beach was a longshot, and it wasn't like we'd be able to visit again any time soon, but there was a glimmer of hope I could find her and at least talk about what I was feeling.

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