People liked to say that nine out of ten things in life went wrong.
For warlocks, the number was usually closer to ten out of ten.
Evenson certainly felt that way now.
He genuinely couldn’t understand how events had spiraled into this disaster.
Hypothetical question.
If you accidentally pull down the skirt of a Pit Lord Matron... what’s the recommended survival strategy?
Answers urgently requested.
Agatha herself stood frozen.
She hadn’t seen this coming either.
The shy young warlock who used to blush whenever she teased him...
Had just yanked on her skirt.
Several long seconds passed before the lowest of her right arms finally reached down and quietly adjusted the fabric.
Objectively, almost nothing had happened.
Only the smallest corner of the garment had slipped.
Barely anything had been revealed.
That wasn’t the real issue.
Her pride was.
If word spread that the Lord Deputy of the Felscar Rift had been publicly embarrassed by a junior warlock...
She’d be hearing jokes about it for the next twenty thousand years.
Agatha slowly turned.
Without even looking, she smacked Gnosis across the head with the flat of one of her curved blades.
The old scientist spun through the air in an impressive series of rotations before landing unconscious with a satisfied thud.
Evenson, meanwhile, could only wipe cold sweat from his forehead as he faced an enraged Pit Lord Matron.
This time...
Agatha wasn’t acting.
Fel fire erupted from the crown above her head.
Her veil fluttered without wind.
Fel energy and shadow magic coursed across all six of her blades.
She was genuinely furious.
"I’m going to kill you."
She pointed a scimitar directly at Evenson.
Through clenched teeth.
"Please!"
Evenson backed away with both hands raised.
"I swear I didn’t mean to!"
"Which hand?"
Agatha advanced another step.
"Hold still."
"I’ll cut it off."
"Then we’ll consider the matter settled."
Evenson’s eyelid twitched.
Another one?
His right hand had only recently been restored.
Now someone wanted to chop it off again.
Do all powerful demon women attend the same conflict resolution seminars?
"Calm down!"
"Just listen to me!"
He barely finished speaking before Agatha swung.
The blade carved through the air where his head had been a heartbeat earlier.
Evenson stumbled backward.
"If you cut off my hand..."
"...how am I supposed to continue serving your mistresses?"
Agatha hesitated.
The mention of the Twins reached the loyal servant beneath the anger.
Evenson immediately seized the opening.
"Think about it."
"The Ladies are beings of unmatched status."
"Would they really want someone missing a hand attending them?"
Agatha snorted.
"Silver tongue."
But after a long moment...
She lowered her blades.
"For my mistresses’ sake..."
"I’ll spare you."
Evenson let out a long breath.
Seriously...
It was half an inch of fabric.
Was that really worth an execution?
Then another thought crossed his mind.
If she knew her mistresses had been perfectly comfortable around me...
She’d probably try killing me all over again.
Unfortunately, Agatha wasn’t finished.
"...However."
Evenson’s heart immediately climbed back into his throat.
She slowly turned toward the unconscious Gnosis.
A murderous smile spread beneath her veil.
"This matter..."
"...can never become public."
Right.
Witness elimination.
That tracked.
Someone in Agatha’s position would never allow such an embarrassing story to circulate.
Which meant poor Gnosis had suddenly become a security risk.
She walked toward the scientist.
"Rest peacefully, Gnosis."
She smiled sweetly.
"In memory of our old... friendship..."
"I promise your death will be painless."
The instant she reached him...
Gnosis sprang upright as though electrocuted.
"I didn’t see anything!"
"And even if I did..."
"I’ll never tell anyone!"
"Please spare me!"
Agatha narrowed her eyes.
"That won’t do."
"As long as you’re alive..."
"I won’t sleep well."
Gnosis felt every ounce of hope drain away.
After surviving tens of thousands of years...
Was he really going to die because he’d witnessed the wrong thing at the wrong moment?
"Wait!"
Evenson suddenly stepped between them.
This time he approached from the front.
He had learned his lesson about grabbing Agatha from behind.
He folded his hands respectfully.
"Matron."
"Gnosis has rendered countless years of distinguished service to the Burning Legion."
"Today’s offense was accidental."
"I ask that you show mercy in consideration of his past contributions."
Gnosis nearly cried.
Not from gratitude.
From rage.
If you hadn’t pulled her skirt in the first place...
Would I even be standing here begging for my life?
Still, he immediately caught on.
"That’s right!"
"I’ve bled for the Legion!"
"I’ve earned my place!"
"You can’t treat me like this!"
"I demand an audience with Lord Sargeras!"
"I demand to see Lord Sargeras!"
Smack!
Agatha swatted him across the head with the flat of another blade.
"Quiet."
Then she looked thoughtfully at Evenson.
"Little warlock."
"This isn’t a trivial matter."
"How can you guarantee he won’t start talking later?"
Evenson pretended to think deeply.
Then he struck one fist into his palm.
"I have an idea."
"I’ll form a contract with him."
"I’ll take him out of the Void."
"Once he leaves the Felscar Rift permanently..."
"He’ll have no reason to spread stories here."
Agatha considered it.
"...Reasonable."
Then she turned a dangerous gaze toward Gnosis.
"Assuming..."
"...he’s willing."
"I am!"
Gnosis shouted before she even finished.
"I couldn’t be more willing!"
Truthfully, he’d already suspected the whole affair had become strangely theatrical after the initial accident.
But he didn’t care.
He’d wanted to leave this miserable place for ages.
Once he’d been one of the Rift’s greatest minds.
Now he was exiled to the lower levels, ignored by arrogant guards and endlessly harassed by packs of imps.
Why stay?
"Excellent."
Evenson drew out the word with a broad smile.
"Gnoooosis..."
"Come here."
"I’ve got a wonderful opportunity for you."
He produced a contract that had clearly been prepared in advance.
His grin became positively villainous.
"Just place your handprint right here..."
"And today’s unfortunate incident..."
"...never happened."
Gnosis glanced over the document.
His expression immediately stiffened.
This wasn’t a contract.
It was lifelong employment with no salary.
An exceptionally thorough version of lifelong employment.
He wanted to refuse.
Unfortunately...
The alternative appeared to be immediate execution.
With a bitter sigh, he pressed his hand onto the parchment.
"So be it."
Evenson carefully rolled up the completed contract.
"Good."
"Go pack your things."
"I’ll summon you over afterward."
He smiled.
"Don’t worry."
"I promise you’ll be doing exactly the kind of work you love."
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