Sorcerer in the Marvel Universe

Was this guy seriously trying to argue by sheer stubbornness?

Mephisto stared at Evenson’s completely shameless expression and felt his temper rise. He rubbed the stubble along his chin before turning toward the Eredar Twins.

"Do you two ever find this kid exceptionally punchable?"

"You only just noticed?"

Salora raised an eyebrow.

Aureseus glanced at Evenson and smiled.

"Actually, we usually end up punching him every three to five days."

Mephisto gave the Twins a sympathetic look.

"You two might be the most patient demons I’ve ever met. How do you put up with him for that long?"

"It isn’t really a matter of patience."

Salora’s expression became strangely awkward.

"We only see each other every three to five days."

"I see."

Mephisto nodded in complete agreement.

Evenson’s mouth twitched.

He desperately wanted to ask the Twins why they could reach a united front with an outsider so quickly whenever the subject was beating him up.

I’m on your side, you know.

"Enough."

Evenson raised a hand and cut off their conversation.

He turned toward Mephisto.

"Finders keepers. This soul was unclaimed, and I found it first. It’s mine."

He grinned.

"Unless, of course, you can prove it’s yours."

Mephisto stroked his chin.

"Every soul I own carries my unique soul-mark, much like a brand burned into livestock."

His gaze carefully studied Evenson’s face.

The warlock looked completely unconcerned.

Mephisto’s mouth curled upward.

"Of course, by the time you stored that soul away, you probably erased the mark already, didn’t you?"

He’s trying to bait me into admitting it.

Evenson tilted his head from side to side, carefully refusing to answer.

"Listen, my friend. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about."

He spread his hands.

"And the contract we signed never specified who owned this particular soul. So if you really want it back, I’m not opposed to giving it up."

He smiled.

"But you’ll have to pay for it."

"Interesting."

Mephisto’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

"I’ll have to pay for it."

He shook his head.

"That line is usually mine."

"Quoting famous people makes you sound more sophisticated."

Evenson shrugged.

"And you’re fairly famous."

"My thanks."

Mephisto answered with a smile that contained absolutely no warmth.

"So..."

Evenson stepped forward.

"What do you think?"

Evenson did have plans for the priest’s soul, but it wasn’t irreplaceable.

If Mephisto was willing to offer enough, Evenson had no objection to changing his arrangements.

As for the promise he’d once made about helping the priest escape his suffering...

Well.

Unless a warlock had put something into a formal contract, promises were best treated as highly decorative suggestions.

Mephisto pursed his lips.

"Keep it."

Evenson’s eyes widened.

"What?"

The Devil shrugged.

"I don’t want it."

For a moment, Evenson wondered if he’d misheard him.

A Devil casually giving up a soul that supposedly belonged to him?

That was almost as unbelievable as Evenson walking into Nick Fury’s office and announcing that he no longer wanted a paycheck.

"Why are you so surprised?"

Mephisto pointed at himself.

"I’m the lord of Hell."

He spread his arms.

"Do you honestly think I’m short on souls?"

Evenson scratched his head.

"Actually... probably not."

Then he thought of something else.

"But the guy ruined the assignment you gave him. Don’t you want to punish him personally?"

"Of course."

Mephisto nodded.

"If things had followed the normal process, and he ended up in Hell, I might have stopped by and given him a couple of lashes for entertainment."

He waved one hand.

"But I’m on vacation right now. I’m in an excellent mood."

His voice suddenly rose.

"And business exists to make money!"

He stared at Evenson as if the answer were obvious.

"Why would I accept your ridiculous price just so I can personally whip one soul? Do I look stupid to you?"

He paused.

"Besides, that man used to be fairly reliable. If he’s found a way out of the situation, I’m not particularly interested in chasing him over it."

A faint glow appeared in Mephisto’s eyes.

"Besides, I’ve seen the kinds of spells you use with souls as ingredients."

His smile turned sinister.

"So I’m confident that even if he remains in your hands, his future isn’t exactly going to be pleasant."

Mephisto chuckled.

"Probably worse than anything I would have done to him."

He spread his hands.

"If someone else is willing to do the whipping for me, why would I insist on doing it myself?"

"Keep telling yourself that."

Evenson had understood the situation now.

The priest’s soul wasn’t particularly valuable to Mephisto.

If Evenson had simply offered it freely, Mephisto would have taken it.

But once Evenson demanded payment, the soul wasn’t worth the price.

That was the end of it.

"Still..."

Mephisto sighed dramatically.

"This whole incident has effectively destroyed my Hell Liaison Office."

He shook his head with genuine regret.

"What office?"

Evenson blinked.

He turned toward the Eredar Twins, silently asking whether this was some obscure demonic term he’d never heard before.

The Twins stared back at him with equally blank expressions.

They had no idea.

"The Hell Special Office for Human Affairs."

Mephisto spread his arms.

"How is that not an excellent, modern name for an organization?"

He looked around at them.

"Just how disconnected from the modern world are you people?"

Evenson felt an entire list of sarcastic responses pile up in his head.

The "Human Affairs Office" had basically been what the monastery operated as.

But calling it that?

That sounded less like a demonic institution and more like something you’d find in a government directory.

"You don’t have to be so disappointed."

Evenson couldn’t resist sounding a little smug.

"I remember there are plenty of groups on Earth that worship demons. Especially here in America."

He shrugged.

"Why not just find one you like and use them?"

"I know about them."

Salora suddenly raised her hand.

"A lot of the people who visit my nightclub are involved in that kind of nonsense."

She gave Mephisto a cheerful smile.

"If you need introductions, I can probably arrange a few."

Evenson nearly rolled his eyes.

Introductions? What is this, a dating service?

Mephisto, however, suddenly shouted.

"Do not mention those idiots in front of me!"

He clapped his hands once, then lowered them with the exhausted air of a man carrying years of pent-up frustration.

"Do you have any idea what their rituals look like?"

"I’ve actually watched them."

His expression twisted.

"It’s complete nonsense."

"And some of them wear goat heads!"

Mephisto stared at the others in disbelief.

"Can you believe that? They actually think I have a goat’s head!"

Aureseus’s lips twitched.

Mephisto continued before anyone could interrupt.

"And their sacrifices!"

"They once offered me a chicken that had been skinned alive."

He looked genuinely offended.

"I was this close to filing a complaint with the health department over salmonella."

Evenson’s shoulders shook.

But Mephisto wasn’t finished.

"And the worst part..."

He raised one trembling finger.

"They think I’m supposed to make demonic deals at crossroads!"

His voice climbed higher.

"Why would I stand at a crossroads?"

He threw his arms wide.

"To direct traffic?"

That finally forced him to stop.

Mephisto straightened his suit and took a breath, slowly regaining his composure.

"Although..."

He tilted his head.

"There actually have been people who went to crossroads to make deals with demons."

He sighed.

"A few of their souls did end up belonging to me."

Evenson raised an eyebrow.

"You actually met them at crossroads?"

"No."

Mephisto smiled.

"They were hit by cars."

Evenson stared.

"That’s unfortunate."

Though judging by the amount of bitterness in Mephisto’s voice, Evenson couldn’t help wondering whether the reckless driver responsible had been Mephisto himself.

"And another thing."

Mephisto shook his head.

"Those idiots spend all day talking about Lucifer."

"Lucifer this. Lucifer that. Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer."

He looked thoroughly exhausted by the thought.

"I’m the one who handles soul bargains around here!"

He spread his hands.

"Lucifer doesn’t even care about trading souls. Half the time, he can’t even communicate with human beings normally."

"Really?"

Evenson suddenly became interested.

"Perfect. I actually have something I wanted to ask you about Lucifer."

Mephisto gave him a huge smile.

"No."

Evenson blinked.

"Come on, I haven’t even asked yet."

"Get lost."

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