The Main Character is the Villain

“You said you were screwed, but nothing’s happened?”

It was a peaceful afternoon in the Peta Territory. Eve, who had been studying accounting with Aira on an office chair in the corner of my office, suddenly spoke to me. She was talking about how I’d said I was “screwed” a month ago after seeing the Ahildern Monthly. Since she was bringing it up a whole month later, I also hesitated, not knowing what she was talking about.

“About what?”

“Last time, you saw in the monthly magazine that the princess had a child and said it. That you were screwed. Nothing's happened since then, right?”

“You're right. I thought I was completely screwed, but it seems they've decided to just bury it internally.”

“That’s a relief. That you didn't marry Erina.”

“It is. I have no intention of marrying her even if they asked me to.”

Eve showed a sign of anxiety as she studied my complexion. Aira put down her pen, stretched, and then spoke to me.

“Ah, may I go get a drink of water for a moment?”

“There's no servant like Aira.”

Eve nodded her head as if in agreement with my words. She closed the accounting documents and asked me.

“So, are you really not going to marry that Elf Princess?”

“Why would I marry her? To marry Erina, I'd have to divorce you.”

Marrying the princess of the Elf Kingdom while keeping Eve as my First Wife would be absurd. But I couldn't compromise by making Eve the Third Wife either. There was no way the Elf Kingdom would accept that compromise. Both the Elf Queen and the Elders were the kind of species who would foam at the mouth at the sight of Mermaids or Beastfolk, so it was clear they'd make me send Elsi back to her hometown, and Eve and Cellu back to the sea.

If I sent them back to the sea like that, I would have to have various discussions with the Human Kingdom again regarding Eve's treatment, so it was an option I wanted to avoid.

“Wouldn't it be much better for you to just live as a Royal Son-in-law in the Elf Kingdom?”

Eve asked cautiously. I shook my head.

“Eve. Are you testing me? This life right now is the best. If I go to the Elf Kingdom, there's so much formality to worry about, but here, within my territory, I'm the King. If I become the Elf Kingdom's Royal Son-in-law, I'd have to give up being the Archdeity Church High Priest, and you know how great it is to receive that salary and the donations.”

“No, I'm not testing you. I just asked. So, what are you going to do then? It seems like it's been revealed that it's your child. They're going to try and contact you one way or another. Rather than forcing a marriage with a Hero who's a woman and a human, even when the child's father is perfectly fine and alive, I think they'd want to marry her to you, a Half-Elf.”

“That's where the problem gets complicated.”

Even I thought it was a complicated problem. I had no idea what Erina had said to coax the people of the Elf Kingdom into approving her marriage with AA, but seeing how things were going, it didn't seem like she told them truthfully. From the moment she tried to publicly declare AA a man, this was a massive fraud for the sake of Erina's image.

If she had just said from the start that she had carelessly slept around and gotten pregnant with another person's child, Erina might have been called the Elf Kingdom's onahole, but at least it wouldn't have gotten this complicated. The Elf Queen's maternal love was what had brought about this catastrophe.

“If they don't reveal the royal descendant's face, they'll be continuously swept up in a paternity controversy, and if it's revealed that there's a separate biological father, there's no reason for AA to be the Royal Son-in-law. But if they suddenly try to marry her to me, AA's position becomes awkward.”

A dilemma. In other words, I was caught in an irreversible move where I'd get screwed no matter which option I chose. If the Elf Queen were a shameless elf, she would just discard AA and attempt to marry me off, but even that wouldn't be easy if I refused. It was a strange situation where neither side could recklessly make an attempt. Seeing as they hadn't taken any measure for over a month, I could predict that the meetings regarding this issue were dragging on.

“My Lord. It is Knight Commander Robin. May I enter?”

“Yes. Come in.”

Robin interrupted our serious conversation. Eve spread out the documents again and engrossed herself in accounting processing, and I, for my part, started organizing my own documents. Robin was startled to see Eve sitting in the office chair and gave her a greeting. After Eve returned the greeting with a gesture, Robin saluted me again and spoke.

“My Lord. A letter has arrived from the kingdom.”

At those words, both Eve and I focused our gazes on Robin. Eve had an expression that said 'what was bound to come has finally come,' but I narrowed my eyes and asked.

“The kingdom? Which kingdom? Ahildern? Our kingdom?”

“It is our kingdom.”

Only after hearing that did Eve let out a sigh of relief and pick up her pen again. I spoke with a nod.

“Read it.”

There were too many documents spread out right now, so I didn't want to open the letter on my desk. As I was glancing through the complaint documents, Robin hesitated and asked.

“Me, sir?”

“Quickly.”

“Ah, yes. I understand. Heum. Um, should I read the contents of the letter exactly as they are?”

“Yes.”

Robin let out a small clearing of his throat once and began to read the letter.

“To our dear Lord. The kingdom proclaims to Peta Lusius. During the large-scale subjugation operation against the Church of Love parishioners currently underway in the Eastern Plains Region, we are experiencing difficulties organizing troops due to frequent conflict with the Beastfolk. We have heard. You, Peta Lusius, enjoy communing with Beastfolk and Mermaids, and are accustomed to their ways, and so we wish for you to stand at the forefront of persuading the tribes and resolving the lingering conflicts in the Eastern Plains Region.”

“What was that?”

As I asked again, Robin read the letter once more and then said.

“Um, since you, My Lord, are an expert on Beastfolk and Mermaids. They would like you to come to the Eastern Plains Region and persuade the tribes.”

“Ahahahaha! An expert, he says!”

Eve burst out laughing. It seemed the expression 'expert' was that funny. The fact that I had to go on another business trip was extremely annoying, but for now, I just nodded and said I understood. In any case, the Church of Love problem was something I had to be the first to step up and handle more than anyone.

After Robin left, Eve, who had been in the middle of laughing, stopped and grumbled.

“Fuck. But another business trip?”

“Can't be helped when you have such a capable husband.”

“It's fucking cool but fucking inconvenient. Besides, it's dangerous. The Beastfolk all have fucked up personalities; if they run into their groom, they'll probably try to turn him into elf jerky.”

“That's why I have to take Elsi.”

I absolutely needed Elsi's help to know the geography of the Eastern Plains Region and to talk with the Beastfolk. The kingdom thinks I use some sort of special empathy to seduce and bring Elsi along, but the result of me seducing Elsi was a mix of my cock and a few little lies.

“Elsi?”

Eve looked at me with an even more worried expression. I asked.

“Why?”

“No, I was just wondering if it's okay to go with that combination.”

“Elsi will love it.”

“Well, that's true.”

Eve wanted to say something, but as if she couldn't bring herself to say it, she just chewed on her lips before focusing on the documents again. I tried to think about what it was that Eve wanted to say, but I couldn't figure it out at all, so I just gave a nod and let it go.

After finishing the paperwork, I summoned Elsi. As soon as she heard my summon, Elsi ran over, rested her chin on my desk, and sat there with her eyes sparkling. She even wagged her tail gently and placed her hand on top of mine, which was resting on the desk.

To play along with Elsi's game, I reached out to grab her hand. Elsi dodged my touch and once again tried to place her hand on the back of mine. After playing with our hands like that a few times, I asked.

“Elsi. Do you know why I called for you?”

“Didn't you call me for copulation?”

Elsi today was also showing off her healthy, firm, tanned abs and sleek leg lines. It was true that I wanted to have copulation with Elsi tonight, but there was another reason for calling her. I stroked Elsi's head and spoke.

“Elsi. Would you like to go to your hometown after a long time?”

“Hometown?”

As if my words were out of the blue, Elsi repeated them like a parrot and looked at me. I poked her nose repeatedly and said.

“My hometown. With me.”

“To your hometown? Why are we going? Is the Cleric going to live in the Eastern Plains now too?”

“No. I have some work to do in the plains region on behalf of the kingdom, and I absolutely need Elsi's help for that work.”

When I stuck out a finger, Elsi began to carefully lick it with her tongue. Seeing her look up at me with a slight blush on her face stirred my lust. My stiffly erect cock tapped against the desk. Elsi put my finger inside her mouth and carefully wrapped her tongue around it, making sure not to touch it with her teeth. A ticklish sensation flowed from my fingertip, up my arm, and throughout my whole body.

“Hoo......”

“Puha.”

Elsi spat out the finger. A thread of saliva connected my fingertip to Elsi's lips. When I slightly parted Elsi's moist lips, her sharp teeth briefly appeared and then vanished. I used that same finger to poke Elsi's cheek again. Elsi puffed up the cheek I had poked and said.

“What can I help you with? I can do anything the Cleric wants.”

“They say the opposition from the Beastfolk is fierce while investigating those Church of Love bastards. I'd like you to help me persuade them so we can reduce the armed conflict.”

“I don't know much about that. I might just be a burden.”

“It doesn't matter. With Elsi helping me, what could possibly happen?”

“You always believe in me. I am thankful for that.”

“I'm also very grateful to have someone like Elsi providing service for me.”

“That's not it.”

Elsi shook her head. At her strong denial, I asked.

“You're not providing service for me?”

“I'm not providing 'service'.”

Elsi looked at me and said.

“I'm in love with you.”

At the cheesy talk, I couldn't help but laugh. Elsi, not liking my silent laughter, started batting at me with her blunt paws. I laughed and took her attacks until I grabbed both her arms. In that moment, as Elsi lifted her defenseless face and stared blankly at me, I kissed her and let go.

“Eut......”

Elsi's face turned beet red and she stomped her feet before burying her head down.

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