His once refined and elegant voice and way of speaking, charming enough to captivate any ordinary person, gradually crumbled. And the faint emotion grew uncontrollably, amplifying until it burst through the tiny crack.
“You’re the one who understands my heart better than I do. So, why can’t you understand this?”
His long eyelashes, damp with moisture, moved heavily in sync with the flutter of his eyelids. Beneath them, his crimson eyes, shimmering transparently with tears, were fixed solely on me. The moment our gazes met, it felt as if my heart had dropped.
“You’re the one who made me like this. Why, why did you have to catch my eye…….”
That Choi Jeokhyeon was crying.
Choi Jeokhyeon had never shown such a side of himself in front of me before. No, it was likely not just the first time in front of me, but the first time in his entire life. After all, there was no way Choi Jeokhyeon would ever reveal such emotions to anyone else.
‘Is he crying because of me? Should I comfort him? How?’
Caught off guard by the completely unexpected situation, I stared at him blankly, like a child seeing someone cry for the first time. I was so dumbfounded that I even forgot how furious I’d been just moments before. Just earlier, when he had spoken as if nothing was wrong, my anger had been unbearable. But now, seeing him cry like a child, I found myself at a loss for words.
“…Did I make you unhappy?”
Then, a voice choked with tears brought me back to my senses. And at last, my mind, which had momentarily lagged, began to function properly again, recalling a fact I had briefly forgotten.
“…You know what kind of person I am now. Are you going to despise me?”
Choi Jeokhyeon really hadn’t changed at all from those days.
From A to Z, from how to wipe his tears to how to interact with others, he was an immature guy who was unable to learn anything on his own. He needed to be taught everything.
When it came to external matters, he might have been someone who protected me, but when it came to internal matters, he was nothing more than a brat I had to protect. It was with this understanding that I decided to bring Choi Jeokhyeon into my fence and cherish him.
And to be honest, at some point, I think I started relying on him in many ways. After all, besides Seo Yuseong, he was the person I spent the most time with.
At times, we were like friends, at times like a child, and at times like a parent. Whenever one of us felt a lack, we became what the other needed, protecting and being protected in turn. I couldn’t even begin to imagine how ridiculous we must have looked to others—two grown adults bickering and thrashing around like this.
“…Hey, Choi Jeokhyeon.”
What on earth are we doing? What are we expecting from each other?
I was almost tempted to throw such a self-mocking question at him.
But in this ambiguous and complicated relationship, where no clear answers existed, the one thing I could be certain of was that I wanted him to live happily. And that wasn’t just for Choi Jeokhyeon—it was the same for the members of Prism and Pantheion, as well as Han Seungbeom.
…Although that would no longer be possible since Seo Yuseong had already passed away.
“I promised you, didn’t I? I’m not going to die ……. If you’re that anxious, I’ll tell you as many times as you want. I can’t die.”
Am I truly a necessary condition for the happiness of those I love?
In my original life, I didn’t even think to consider the answer to that question.
Because I never believed I was worth that much. At the time, I had been estranged from the Prism members for too long, and the thought that my presence would only be toxic to them never left my mind. And even though I was concerned that Choi Jeokhyeon was wasting his life because of me, I never once considered what state he would end up in if he lost me.
I was so foolish.
It wasn’t until after I came back to life in Han Seungbeom’s body that I learned everything; Cha Woon desperately struggling to fill my absence, Lee Chise losing his ability to write music, Nam Yihwon wearing himself out from his constant back-and-forth trips to the charnel house, Jo Inchan regretting the words he had spoken to me, Yoo Jay barely holding on with such a broken heart … and even Choi Jeokhyeon, unable to leave my side as I lay in the morgue.
“…Yutae-ya?”
When I moved the hand resting on his shoulder and touched his damp eyes, clear tears fell onto my hand. I quietly watched as the water slowly seeped into my skin before closing my eyes.
“…….”
‘This definitely wasn’t what I wanted to show him.’
Choi Jeokhyeon was right.
I was the one who made him like this. I had boldly claimed that the world was full of enjoyable things, and yet I ended up hurting him. I had pushed him to the point where he, who had lived without even knowing how to wipe away his own tears, was now forced to do so.
“…You’re always trying to go off-track at any chance, never listening to anyone…….”
I was trying to leave him behind—someone who struggled to judge what was right and what was wrong, yet still made an effort to please me.
“Hyung! Please say something…….”
The members were visibly anxious. They were much younger than me, children who had always lived an ordinary life, untouched by the harsh realities of death. But right in front of them, I showed them something they should never have seen.
“…….”
Didn’t I even make Han Seungbeom’s aunt cry? How could I have dared to try to die while borrowing this body? Now that I had regained my rationality, I realized just how insane that was. Han Seungbeom was like my own child. Even if his aunt weren’t in the picture, it was something I could never forgive myself for.
[Missed Calls]
My phone screen was filled with countless missed calls from the Prism members. They must have been shocked by my sudden disappearance. They were all so happy to be reunited with me, but I ruined it all.
“…Really? You’re not lying, right?”
“Yeah.”
This was my sin.
My death was a sin that brought misery to the lives of those I loved. It was no different from inflicting the same pain on them that I had suffered after losing Seo Yuseong.
I didn’t want to realize it this way, and I deeply regretted my foolishness.
‘…Yuseong-ah, please help your brother.’
Let’s endure. No matter how painful it is, I have to endure it.
Even if I hear Seo Yuseong calling my name, I have to pretend not to hear it for now. Even if I open my eyes in the pitch-black seawater, I have to clench my teeth and walk out.
And I will finish what I left undone.
…For the sake of those I love.
***
Bang! Bang! Bang!
A short while after my conversation with Choi Jeokhyeon, there was a loud banging on the door—hardly what one could call a knock. Just as I started to wonder what was going on, Lee Hwayoung threw the door open and stormed in.
‘…Did he actually remember to take the key with him in the midst of all that?’
“Lee Saehwa!”
Lee Hwayoung strode into the room with a fierce expression, not even paying his disheveled golden hair any attention. He headed straight for Choi Jeokhyeon, who was sitting on the bed.
“You really…….”
But as soon as he saw Choi Jeokhyeon’s face, he stiffened. It looked like he was taken aback by the lingering redness and the traces of tears still visible around his eyes.
“…….”
Moving creakily like a toy with a walking function, he turned towards me. Then, as if he hadn’t seen a thing, he grabbed my shoulder and launched into a chatter.
“…I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought the members. I misjudged the situation. I didn’t realize how bad the situation had gotten. I didn’t expect them to say those things, either. I wanted to come alone, but I had no way to act alone without telling them I was coming to see you.”
He had entered the room fuming, clearly ready to confront Choi Jeokhyeon with a list of grievances. So, I briefly wondered if there was something wrong with my memory again. But when I noticed the slight tremble in his jewel-like, deep blue eyes and the way he stubbornly refused to turn his head in Choi Jeokhyeon’s direction, I realized he was intentionally acting this way.
‘Ah, he’s surprised.’
When he first saw me earlier, he looked as if some misfortune had struck his family. But now, he had the expression of a cat that had fallen into a stream.
“…You don’t have to apologize. I should be the one saying sorry for making things so confusing.”
“You’re in a bad state, and then I brought the members in without warning, which is why you were so agitated earlier, right? Am I wrong?”
“It’s either Choi Jeokhyeon’s fault, who knew everything and orchestrated the whole situation, or mine, for not thinking straight and making a mistake. So, you don’t need to feel guilty. Don’t worry about what the other members said to me either.”
“No, I can’t do that.”
Despite everything that was happening, he still felt compelled to say everything on his mind. It really spoke volumes about his personality.
“…….”
Meanwhile, the very man who orchestrated this situation, Choi Jeokhyeon, simply sat there. He looked tired, his eyes fluttering with drowsiness, indifferent to whether his nephew entered or not. After crying for the first time in his life and making me repeat the promise he’d wanted so badly for five or six times, he seemed to fall into a daze.
“Uh-huh.”
Your nephew has come. I tapped his cheek with a bottled water, intending to snap him out of it, and he took the bottle. After opening the cap, he took a few gulps of water, then held onto the collar of his turtleneck to keep it from slipping, while with the other hand, he resumed playing with his phone. All this while still showing no reaction to Lee Hwayoung.
‘Why has he been glued to his phone like that since earlier?’
“Choi Jeokhyeon.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Lee Hwayoung is here.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Got nothing to say to him?”
“Uh-huh.”
‘…Stop looking at me and talk to your nephew.’
He smiled and answered when I spoke to him, but as expected, he didn’t act the way I wanted him to. Lee Hwayoung, too, seemed unwilling to face Choi Jeokhyeon and was desperately turning his head away as if he was in front of a ‘photo that would kill you if you looked at it’. With me—who had always been in between them—gone from the middle, the awkwardness between these two blood relatives was almost unbearable. Sighing at the sight, I decided to leave the unresponsive Choi Jeokhyeon alone for now and continued my conversation with Lee Hwayoung.
“Where are the Pantherion members?”
“They’re resting in their room.”
“…Is that so? They must have been really shocked, right?”
Instead of answering my question, Lee Hwayoung tilted his head awkwardly. He clearly didn’t want to lie to me, but he also seemed worried that a truthful answer would only dishearten me.
‘Of course they’re all shocked.’
“…Are you going to go see them?”
As I let out a shallow sigh, already expecting his answer, Lee Hwayoung, who had been unusually cautious of my reaction, asked.
“Later. I have to bring this to a close somehow. But for now, they seem too shaken up, so I think I should just wait and see what happens.”
“…Earlier, they mentioned going out to get some fresh air. You might be able to see them from a distance. I just thought you might be worried…….”
At his hesitant words, I ruffled his hair playfully as I replied.
“Shall we go together then? I also need to talk to the manager.”
Seeing him subtly nod as if trying not to make it obvious, I grabbed Choi Jeokhyeon’s coat and told him, “I’ll go out with with Lee Hwayoung for a bit.”
And the moment I took the lead and opened the guest room door,
“…Huh?”
Something large crashed into my back with enough force to push me forward. The person then grabbed onto me tightly, breathing in short, trembling gasps, without saying a word.
‘Who is it?’
Because of what happened with Dalli, I had become far more sensitive to the approach of outsiders than I’d realized, so I was quite flustered and instinctively raised my arm to push the person away. Just then, their hood slipped down, revealing dark ashen hair that slowly fell over my shoulders.
As soon as I saw it, I immediately figured out who he was, and I stopped breathing for a second.
‘…How long has it even been since I gave him my location? He’s already here?’
“…….”
It was Jay.
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Translator’s Corner:
I think stray cats were running around messing my room, so when it rained, it’s not even a drizzle anymore but straight up raining inside the house asdfghjkl I was busy cleaning the outcome so this came really late ?
We just finished calming down Lunatic 1, now the No. 3 is coming in … never a boring day in Yutae’s life
Anyway, today is my 100th day with this series : D Omg, it’s been that long … what did I even do during this long time asdfghjkl
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