After the MT video was released, we made our comeback as scheduled.
And at the moment, I was chatting with the members while stuck in the endless wait for the music show.
“I really love the way you sing the intro in this song, hyung. I keep replaying it every day. When did you even practice your vocals like that?”
“I practice all the time.”
“Can you please stop being so good at everything? Now that you’re even good at singing, what am I supposed to do? Being next to you makes me anxious every single day. It’s driving me crazy.”
“If you’re feeling anxious, just practice.”
“…Okay.”
At my firm reply, Do Yuda wrapped himself tightly in a blanket and flopped onto the couch like a puppy with his ears and tail drooping. From time to time, muffled grumbles leaked out from the blanket caterpillar, “…I know that already! I do know! I’m working hard!”, “That’s not what I meant at all”, “T-type people are truly the worst”. It was quite a sight.
‘I may not be a part of the vocal line, but I should still give it my all, to the best of my ability.’
‘It’s partly because I arranged the parts to suit Han Seungbeom’s voice…….’
I smiled a little as I saw that fans had already uploaded compilation videos of their favorite parts from my songs on NeoTube. Seeing how much they enjoyed it made all the effort feel truly worthwhile.
“…….”
As I scrolled through the related videos on the app to see how other fans reacted, I saw a strange video.
[Han Seungbeom Imitating Seo Yutae (SHOKING)]
‘…Why’s this getting so many views?’
The title was almost identical to the one used for a video about Taeui before. The thumbnail featured an awkward snapshot of me taken at just a fleeting moment, edited alongside a photo of Gong Seonghwa that made it look like he was glaring at me.
Under the pressure that any similarity between Han Seungbeom and me should not become known to the public, I urgently clicked on that video.
The video then played a video comparing Seo Yutae to Han Seungbeom, slowing down even the smallest actions. Some habits were definitely ones I couldn’t hide, while others felt like a stretch. But the video was edited in such a way that anyone watching it would think ‘Han Seungbeom is imitating Seo Yutae‘.
I opened the comments, feeling my heart sink.
— Seungbeom-ah, if you’re going to aim high, aim for something you can actually reach. Your physique and career are damn inferior…
— Wow, his dedication is unreal. Now that I look at it, even the way he sleeps is the same. Isn’t it kind of creepy to imitate even such tiny habits?
— Han Seungbeom’s old classmate definitely said he wasn’t a picky eater, yet ever since he became a trainee, he suddenly became picky about food just like Seo Yutae
— I think the blond kid Seo Yutae used to bring around was Nihwalee. Don’t tell me he befriended Lee Hwayoung just to imitate Seo Yutae too? So creepy….
— Han Seungbeom said he was introverted and quiet, claimed he didn’t have any celebrity friends outside his group. But watching him practically cling to the popular Prism, I couldn’t help thinking he was kind of two-faced lol. Guess it’s about time this all came to light
— Didn’t Han Seungbeom say he didn’t have a specific role model before? Ugh, gross. He’s out there watching Seo Yutae videos in 0.25x speed trying to copy him, and then still has the audacity to say ‘I have no role model‘? Bullshit lolololololol
— Looks like Gong Seonghwa already knew LOL The way he looks at Han Seungbeom is straight-up deadly. I mean, he’s a hardcore Seo Yutae’s stan, of course he’d be pissed
— He seemed fine when he first debuted, but he’s getting weirder and weirder. As expected, greed corrupts people
— He has the visual and the talent, so why the hell is he copying someone else? He could’ve easily been loved just for being himself. Honestly, I can’t even feel sorry for him, he brought this on himself
└ I’ve seen a lot of people like that, and that kind of behavior never gets fixed for life. It’s a self-esteem issue, for sure
└ But tbh, I kind of get it ㅠ Thinking back to that scandal with Han Jaewoon last time, it really seemed like he grew up without much love… it’s honestly kind of sad
The comment section was already a complete mess. I wondered if the channel’s owner was intentionally curating the comments, because only hate comments about me were left, all with tons of likes.
— Leave Yutae alone. No one can ever be like Yutae
— Why do these things keep happening? I know well enough how big Yutae’s impact was in the entertainment industry, and I understand that with his level of success, copycats are inevitable. But Yutae is dead. For crying out loud, shouldn’t you show at least a minimum level of respect to someone who has already left this world?
A small number of Seras were in that comment section as well, and once Muses noticed this, they took their anger to SNS, leaving the NeoTube app where comments were being deleted.
— Wow, might as well write a novel at this point. Do you really think our boy even wants to imitate your Yutae? LOLOLOLOL Just because you guys worship him like he was some kind of legend doesn’t mean the rest of us see it that way~ Don’t worry, our kid has zero interest in copying a disloyal scumbag who abandoned his group and ran away. Unlike some people, Han Seungbeom actually knows what responsibility is. Haha go brush your teeth and get some sleep
— Anyway, that fandom’s inflated ego is really something you have to acknowledge. With that level of intelligence, they’re going to claim that every future leader-producer member is just copying Seo Yutae. It’s giving d e l u s i o n
— People can have similar personalities. Why are they nitpicking every little thing and using it to attack someone like it’s some huge issue? FFS, MBTI is banned in Korea starting today. Reason: because Seras-nim said so
— Seriously, is a single Cyber Wrecker’s video really something to get this riled up about? They could just ignore it and move on, but instead, they’re blowing it way out of proportion. Must be a rookie fandom thing
└ You guys were the ones who first agreed with those cyber wreckers and spread all that ‘copycat‘ and ‘knock-off‘ narrative. Now that you’re the ones getting hit back, you want everyone to just drop it?
└ When did Seras start it first? Muses were the ones who crossed the line first, calling Yutae a murderer and stuff
└ They’re not a Muse. It’s obvious that set-up accounts are doing that on purpose to get Han Seungbeom cursed at… Aren’t you guys just using that as an excuse to bash Han Seungbeom?
└ (Screenshot) Nope, it’s a Muse. That account only talked about P7
— Having a producer member take the leader position has been common practice even before Seo Yutae debuted. So why are they acting like it’s some groundbreaking thing and posting lines like >Both Seo Yutae and Han Seungbeom are leader + composer members<’ to frame him as a copycat? Honestly, it just feels like they’re on some ‘fun, cool, and sexy’ mission to destroy Han Seungbeom
└ There’s already plenty of proof that Han Seungbeom imitates Seo Yutae’s way of speaking and habits. Anyone who’s been a longtime Seo Yutae fan can tell; it’s definitely not a coincidence lol. There are even testimonies from his classmates saying he wasn’t like that originally. And what about him being super clingy to Prism? How are you going to explain that?
└ Ah~ so you watched one of those exaggerated cyber wrecker videos and now you’re here nitpicking every little thing? That damn ‘Gong Seonghwa’s gaze‘ thing? Of course he’s not going to be all smiles looking at his rivals on a survival show. If you actually watched the full broadcast, you’d see he gave the same look to members of other groups too, not just Pantheion lol
And if Han Seungbeom really is copying Seo Yutae, then shouldn’t you call Prism out too? They were literally chasing after the guy who supposedly imitates their hyung. Asking to collab, even recommending him for Legendary Singer. If this is not hypocrisy, then what is? Or were they just afraid their careers would crash after Seo Yutae died, so they tried to use someone who resembled him instead?
└ Are you out of your mind, dragging Prism into this? That was exactly what your boy was aiming for, lol;;; He acted like Seo Yutae on purpose just to get close to the Prism members, who were already having a hard time after losing Yutae. Let’s be real. If he hadn’t done that, do you really think Prism would’ve even looked twice at some inexperienced rookie that much younger than them?
I felt faint as I watched the people who used to support me get into a conflict that was spiraling beyond control. Both sides were harshly attacking what the other cherished, all in an effort to crush each other.
It was a very common sight in fandom fights.
‘Please, stop…….’
The only problem was that in the process, the target of all their attacks was me.
Beeeeep.
“…Ugh.”
For a moment, a ringing filled my ears, making them feel deafened. As I covered one ear and closed my eyes, I felt someone grab my arm and help me stand up.
“Pantheion going on air now!”
“Hyung, they say we have to go up!”
Without realizing it, I was led by that hand onto the stage, where the lights hanging from the ceiling began to swirl wildly. The moment I lifted my head, which I had kept lowered, I saw a hallucination: the audience’s eyes, previously fixed on the floor, seemed to swivel like machinery, all turning to stare at me.
[Murderer bastard]
[It feels like the ‘you’ I’ve liked up until now was just a performance]
This isn’t real.
From the start, there was no way a person’s movements or expressions could be that unnaturally identical.
Therefore, it was all just my imagination.
I must have known that, but even so, I felt my breath catch and my muscles stiffen. Then, the many comments I had seen before and the one I had just read seemed to swirl together in a dizzying mix, floating above my head.
The people on the other side are surely supposed to be on my side.
They are undoubtedly the ones I’ve poured my entire being into loving…….
What is this feeling?
“Seungbeom-ah? You need to stand in formation.”
As I stood rigidly at the edge of the stage, unable to move, the members all turned to look at me. At that moment, I realized that the gaze of every single person in the room was fixed on me.
It felt as if their gazes were piercing right through me.
When I remained stiff and motionless, the members seemed to think I had forgotten I was supposed to stand at the center, so they smiled brightly and led me to the middle of the stage.
Then, Do Yuda, who had been holding my hand, blinked rapidly several times, tilted his head in puzzlement, and let go of my hand. He stared blankly down at his now slightly damp hand, then slowly lifted his head and looked at me.
“…Hyung?”
It was strange.
My hands and feet were cold, yet sweat—something I rarely experienced—was drenching me like rainfall, soaking my outfit. Do Yuda must’ve reacted that way because he noticed it. He’s the kind of guy who worries too much and makes a big deal out of everything, so I should’ve told him not to worry and just concentrate on the performance. But I wasn’t in the right state of mind to say anything.
“…….”
All I could do was stand there helplessly, motionless, in front of the packed rows of the audience.
Right now, I wasn’t in a normal state.
“Alright, we’ll begin the recording.”
Even at that moment, I felt like I should get off the stage, but the red light on the camera was already on, and the music had started. With a heart racing as if something were chasing me, I picked up the mic, completely unprepared.
But my voice didn’t come out.
“…….”
When I barely managed to move my lips, the tip of my tongue touched my stiff, dry palate. It was only after feeling the sticky contrast between the slight moisture and the completely dry surface that I realized I’d been breathing only through my mouth the entire time.
My dry throat tingled as if I was about to cough any second. Realizing I couldn’t sing like this, I quickly closed my mouth aand tried to moisten the inside of my mouth, but then even breathing through my nose became a struggle.
‘No.’
My heart was pounding so wildly it felt like it might burst. A numbness, as if no blood was flowing at all, spread from my hands and feet throughout my entire body.
[Seriously, he’s so shameless. How can he even think about going on stage when his own dad was out there scamming people like that? If it were me, I’d be so embarrassed I’d quit being an idol]
No, I can’t. This was a live broadcast. Any mistake here would be impossible to undo. I had to dance and sing quickly … but even as the intro I was supposed to sing passed, I was still unable to move.
[You’re smiling? What are you so proud of? Shouldn’t you at least show some remorse?]
[Look at that expression. He acts like he just bit into something gross. Because of him alone, the whole atmosphere got ruined]
I have to move.
I have to move.
The situation had escalated beyond what could be called a mere broadcasting accident. I hated myself for not being able to steady my breathing despite having those thoughts, my hands clawing at my tight chest as I gasped for air.
“Haah, huff … huffh.”
Then, murmuring sound began to spread like the buzzing of a swarm of insects.
This was a given, considering the metallic, ragged breathing transmitted through the microphone was obviously not normal to anyone who heard it.
“…What’s going on?”
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Something seems off.”
[I really, really hate you. Why do the Prism members have to get hated because of you?]
[I’m so sick of the group’s activities getting disrupted just because Seo Yutae keeps causing trouble]
[Stop mentioning the ex-member. It’s seriously pissing me off]
.
.
.
[…I wish he would just die]
And that buzzing sound soon turned into the sound of harsh wind from my past memories.
I shut my eyes after everything went completely dark, and when I opened them again, a view from the top of a tall building—so high it sent a chill through my chest—spread out before me.
“…….”
The dimly lit interior meant for lighting became the night sky, the countless lights on the ceiling were the stars that densely filled that sky, and the lightsticks were like the headlights of cars driving along the road below the building.
I stared blankly at those absurd hallucinations, then, as if entranced, I stepped into the void. I felt that familiar sensation of my body lifting, the same as in memories I had buried long ago.
And then, I wobbled, my body tipping forward.
If there was any difference compared to that time…….
Thud!
“KYAAAAAAHHH!”
Yeah, I guess the only difference was how fast my body hit the ground.
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Translator’s Corner:
All I could think on this chapter is …. I guess one year (and half?) isn’t enough to know someone … if it were Prism, they would already notice something is off and wouldn’t get on the stage in the first place……
Is this chapter long, this took so long to translate asdfghjkl maybe because I kept pausing ….. I guess the update going to be slower for now since this depressing mood will continue …. prepare your heart guys
But seriously, translating this novel kinda made me reborn into a new person because now I’m all about ‘let’s not hate on idols‘ ….. this story so good it makes me defending every idol that’s getting hated on kpoptwt ….. my current resolution now is “making positive (for all groups) translation accounts” as a side hobby once i get a job …. like it’s crazy how fan-translation almost becoming a rare thing in kpotwt? back in the old days, even nugu group got fanbase translating things for them. but now, even when fans of big group translating their interview (like from magazine or radio appearance), i feel like almost no one paying attention to them ??? insane how everyone seems relying on big accounts that posted sensational thing for twitter blue checks ….
Well, happy Eid al-Adha for everyone celebrating …. I literally got dragged to help in nearest mosque since there a shortage of people ….. very weird way to finding out that apparently every other daughters my age already got married in recent years and too busy taking care of babies to help ….. I seriously need to get out of here asap because they pressured me to get married. Well, it’s all good since I went home with a lot of meat though. Eid is probably my most favorite holiday since it’s the only time we could eat beef at home… hope you guys have a good meal too!
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