The moment I realized the sound from right behind me was a person’s voice, I gasped and froze on the spot.
‘…Man? Woman? I don’t remember the voice.’
My eardrums had been buzzing nonstop for a while, so it was hard to guess the person’s identity based on the voice alone. In fact, my own heartbeat was so much louder than any other sound around me that I couldn’t make out anything.
My unfocused eyes began to wander across the parking lot floor. Staring at the ground wasn’t going to magically reveal some brilliant way out of this situation, but somehow, I felt like if I didn’t do something, anything, this anxiety would never go away.
‘…No. I have to go somewhere where there are no people.’
I couldn’t let anyone see me like this.
This was the inside of a broadcasting station, filled strangers whose faces I didn’t even know, and right now, I was the celebrity everyone was talking about the most. If I just took a brief rest by myself, I’d be fine, but if someone caught me like this, it was obvious the situation would blow up in some strange direction again.
Unable to calm my anxiety, I crouched down further so that my face was hidden from view. Then I spat out a lie, faking a voice as close to normal as I could.
“I’m sorry. I tripped and fell.”
“…….”
But my body refused to move.
‘Damn it, what the hell is the problem now!’
I couldn’t tell if something was wrong with me mentally that prevented me from using my body’s strength, or if I had actually been seriously injured somewhere, or if it was just that the person holding me was too strong.
But having lived as Seo Yutae for over thirty years, I still couldn’t subconsciously accept the idea that I myself could break down. And so, even with my fading clarity, I immediately began to suspect the last possibility.
“Thank you for your concern, but please let go of me. I’ll be fine without your help.”
It was the last of my patience.
From the moment the stage was halted, all I wanted was to slip away somewhere quiet and catch my breath. I’d been pushed so far that even just asking the fans and staff for their understanding and walking away had already cracked the last of my composure. It felt like forcing a lid onto a pot on the verge of boiling over.
“Stay still ……. Your current condition…….”
“…….”
“…see me clearly…….”
Through my muffled ears, the other person’s voice flowed in again. I couldn’t make out exactly what they said, but judging by the way their grip on me tightened, it seemed I’d just been denied.
My last request had been denied.
As soon as I became aware of it, a strange, almost invasive discomfort began to crawl upward through my body. Had it always been this terrifying, this suffocating, to lose control over my own body? The sensation was like being bound hand and foot, crushed under invisible weight, the pressure eating away at me from the inside.
“I said I’m fine, so why do you keep…….”
‘If I could just rest alone somewhere quiet for a little while, I’d feel better in no time … why is even that so hard?’
There was no way the other person could know what kind of state I was in or what I’d been through, and of course, I had no right to expect them to understand. But still, I couldn’t stop the anger from rising. The red lights reacting to motion sensors, the dust covering the parking lot floor, the person standing behind me; everything in the world felt like it was conspiring against me.
‘Was it really that big of a request? Why is it so damn hard to just let me go?’
As I thought about it, I suddenly wondered if this mysterious person was truly trying to help me out of the goodness of their heart.
‘What if they’re trying to trap me?’
The person behind me could be Kang Hyukwoo.
Even if it wasn’t him, it could’ve been a reporter looking to write a malicious article about me.
The moment that worst-case scenario crossed my mind, my heart sank, and I sat there frozen, muttering to myself.
“How much longer are you going to torment me like this … stop it, please…….”
“…….”
“…Are you only going to stop when I’m dead?”
My vocal cords were so dry that my voice came out cracked and rough. I knew yelling like this would only strain my throat, but I was so far gone I wasn’t even aware of what I was saying anymore. Before long, something close to a scream burst from my mouth.
“Let go! Let go of me!”
I then shoved my hand into the space between us and started thrashing my limbs wildly, struggling to break free from their hold. Since these actions weren’t taken under clear consciousness, I had no time to worry about my unbalanced body being harshly thrown to the ground, my face hitting the car stopper, or my fingers getting caught under a tire.
But the more I struggled, the harder the other person held me down in silence. Although their skin, including the back of their hand and other exposed areas, was covered in scratches from my fingernails as I violently tried to pull my hands away, they didn’t even utter a single groan.
It was strange.
If it had been Kang Hyukwoo or someone who harbored ill will toward me, they would have gotten angry long ago, but this person was too quiet.
“Huff, hah…….”
After causing such a commotion, Han Seungbeom’s body, which didn’t have much stamina, felt as heavy as if the limbs were soaked cotton. Gasping for breath, completely drained and hanging limp, I tried to get up again, and at that moment, one of the hands holding me let go.
They were trying to shield my head from hitting the corner of the car beside us.
Faced with that goodwill—something that couldn’t have been faked even if one tried—the fog in my mind began to lift, and at last, my vision started to clear.
“…Choi Jeokhyeon.”
His bangs were scattered across his forehead, and his suit was a mess, completely disheveled. His chest was rising and falling dramatically as he tried to catch his breath. It was such a stark contrast to the way I was used to seeing him that, for a moment, I almost didn’t recognize him … Not that I, the one who caused him to be in such a state, have any right to make a comment.
As I stood there blankly staring up at his face, his signature eye-smile greeted me back along with his gentle voice.
“Are you back to your senses now?”
I had no idea why this guy, who should be busy working at this time of day, was here.
I blinked in disbelief and muttered to myself, “What are you doing here? You told me you were busy.”
Then he straightened the flipped-up collar of his shirt and replied as if it was no big deal.
“I am, but I have something I want to give you, so I stepped out for a bit. You’ve got some free time later in your schedule, right?”
A red handprint was faintly visible near his neck, just beneath the collar. It looked like a fresh wound from him trying to stop me from struggling just now. Seeing the faint marks close to the scars left by Choi Jeokhyeon’s mother, I deeply regretted my actions.
“I’m sorry. You even got scars because of me……. ”
“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”
Hearing my apology heavy with deep guilt, he still answered with a smile lingering on his face, then helped me to my feet. He glanced at my reddened, swollen wrist and spoke.
“Let’s go to the hospital first. I’ve already notified your company.”
Since this guy keeps track of my schedule down to every detail, he definitely saw the exact moment I had a broadcast accident. He must also be aware of the videos pointing out the similarities between ‘Seo Yutae’ and ‘Han Seungbeom’, and how they caused major fights between fandoms.
But Choi Jeokhyeon neither asked me any questions nor scolded me.
I was grateful for it, but somehow, I also felt uneasy.
***
After contacting the manager first and visiting the hospital, I headed to his home to rest, following the doctor’s exaggerated warning that I needed ‘absolute rest‘. To be exact, it was actually Choi Jeokhyeon who took me there on his own accord after I’d passed out into a deep sleep during treatment.
“It would be hard to rest at the dorm because of the other members, and since Seungbeom-ssi can’t go to his parents’ house … well, it can’t be helped, I suppose. Still, it’s a relief to know there’s someone around who can take care of him.”
Actually, since Pantheion’s contract hadn’t ended yet, it wasn’t really proper for my next agency’s CEO to interfere in every single matter like this. But it seemed like something had been discussed among the higher-ups, because the situation was resolved more quietly than expected. I figured Choi Jeokhyeon must have pulled some strings again.
‘…Still, the members were crying and making such a fuss, so I do feel a bit guilty.’
As I stepped through the door and into Choi Jeokhyeon’s home, I sensed that something felt different from usual.
‘Come to think of it, what was that thing he said he wanted to give me?’
It felt less cold and lifeless than usual, almost like there was some liveliness in the air. As I tilted my head in curiosity, I heard the quick patter of little footsteps rushing from the living room at the end of the long hallway.
“Ahjussi!”1
What appeared along with the bright, innocent voice was a boy.
Looking at his build, which was similar to Seo Yuseong right after our mother passed away, I could guess his approximate age. Although Seo Yuseong matured somewhat faster than his peers, making absolute certainty impossible, the undeniable truth was that he was still a child. Well, even just the red cape, the figure in his right hand, and the way he was completely decked out in hero-themed colors made it obvious enough that he was quite young.
“Chaeyul was playing well all by himself! Praise me please!”
The moment the child spotted Choi Jeokhyeon, his face immediately lit up with joy. He ran straight to the entrance and tightly hugged Choi Jeokhyeon’s legs.
“Whose kid is this, all of a sudden?”
Black hair and black eyes. No matter how much I looked, his appearance was completely different from Choi Jeokhyeon family’s, so it seemed he wasn’t a blood relative. Besides, Choi Jeokhyeon hardly had any contact with his family in the first place, so he probably wouldn’t even acknowledge his own nephew if he met him.
‘Those people wouldn’t possibly leave their child with Choi Jeokhyeon. You never know what might happen.’
The only people who could pull that off were Lee Hwayoung’s father, who had courage only in strange ways, and Camilla, who was full of pride in herself and genuinely competent. Even that Camilla said she wouldn’t have entrusted Lee Hwayoung to Choi Jeokhyeon if I hadn’t been there, so how on earth is there a child here?
‘He seems to resemble someone … No, there’s no one around me who looks like this child.’
I couldn’t clearly say that their facial features resembled anyone in particular.
But somehow, an indescribable feeling kept nagging at my nerves. Whenever I looked at that child, Kang Hyukwoo’s face kept coming to mind.
As I clutched my throbbing head and kept my gaze lowered, my gaze met with the short child. Then the child blinked a few times and smiled brightly before speaking.
“Hello. My name is Kim Chaeyul.”
The moment I heard the child’s last name, I barely managed to exhale the breath I’d been holding.
Indeed, the idea that this child was Kang Hyukwoo’s kid was an absurd delusion.
Kang Hyukwoo wasn’t the kind of man to have children. Even if, hypothetically, he did have a hidden child, he’d have mostly left them to fend for themselves. Since I knew his lifestyle inside and out, I could say that with confidence.
But if this child had absolutely no connection to him, then why on earth was Choi Jeokhyeon keeping the child, and why did he deliberately make me meet him? In the end, unable to shake off my unease, I asked him again.
“…I’m asking who is he.”
Choi Jeokhyeon then glanced down at the child who kept rubbing his cheek against his palm, and with a very gentle touch, ruffled the child’s soft hair. Then, as if presenting a gift, he placed his hand on the child’s shoulder and looked at me with a radiant smile.
“What else could it be, Yutae-ya?”
“…….”
I clearly asked who that child was.
Yet despite clearly hearing me, Choi Jeokhyeon didn’t retort with ‘Who else could it be, Yutae-ya?’. It was a moment that made me realize he wasn’t seeing the child beside him as a person, but as an object. Just like when he once referred to Han Seungbeom as ‘that thing’ right in front of me.
When I instinctively moved to take a step forward and get closer to the child, feeling a faint flicker of unease, Choi Jeokhyeon turned his head toward the child.
And then, with a gaze so devoid of emotion it sent a chill down my spine, he looked down at the child and gave me an answer,
“He’s Kang Hyukwoo’s son.”
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Translator’s Corner:
I mean, can’t you blame Choi Jeokhyeon … Kang Hyukwoo was the one who picked a fight first….. he didn’t even plan to do anything before, despite him literally causing Yutae to die ….
Most unrealistic part of this chapter is the empty parking lot … wdym it’s empty and there’s no idol couple secretly having meeting in the closed car …. (like imagine you’re trying to enjoy some secret quality time with your bf/gf, but suddenly witnessing the Han Seungbeom’s suspicious interaction with a man …. like wdym that man let him scratched him with no sound…….. we’re really in a wrong genre)
Since #MyMentalHealthMatters, there’s probably no update tomorrow … I really should spend at least 2 hours outside looking at blue sky …. (somehow i feel like i’m going to jinx it as usual and tomorrow is going to rain)
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