The day I met Han Seungbeom’s aunt, I handed her a ticket to the final concert.
She hesitated for a moment before accepting it, but just before the concert began, she called me to politely decline the invitation.
“I don’t think I can go to that concert. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and it just doesn’t feel right to go.”
“It’s not our Seungbeom, but you, who made it as an idol and got to hold a concert in such a huge venue. I’m really sorry, but I don’t have it in me to sincerely be happy for your success on Seungbeom’s behalf. Going to the concert with those feelings would only be disrespectful.”
When I heard those words, a flood of thoughts came to mind. But I swallowed them all, simply replied with a brief “I understand”, and ended the call.
Han Seungbeom’s aunt must have had a lot on her mind as well. That’s probably why she agonized over it again and again before finally telling me, only right before the concert started. I could understand her feelings completely, so even when I saw the one empty seat in the guest section, I didn’t feel the slightest bit of resentment. If anything, I worried that I might have put her in a difficult position by inviting her in the first place.
Still, it wasn’t the kind of situation I could proudly talk about to others, so I kept quiet. I never expected that my silence would cause the situation to turn into something this big.
‘I reserved a ticket saying it was for my aunt, so the staff must have assumed Han Seungbeom’s aunt would be coming to the concert.’
The camera immediately panned to the seat where Han Seungbeom’s aunt was supposed to be, but soon it started to shake chaotically and filmed some strange, random place. When the screen clearly showed the cameraman’s panic, a few quick-witted Muses began whispering to each other, and the atmosphere in the concert hall grew restless.
“Oh no, Seungbeom’s family didn’t come, right?”
“Ha … the camera director has zero situational awareness. After all that uproar in the news…….”
I felt my anxiety grow along with the growing murmur of the crowd, but I stayed rooted to the spot, unable to act right away.
Even if I did something to handle the situation now, the Muses who had already realized my family was absent would surely misunderstand. They would think, ‘Han Seungbeom is just pretending to be fine on purpose‘, and start worrying about me.
While I was mulling over those thoughts, the increasingly loud murmurs, tinged with discomfort and sympathy, suddenly disappeared, replaced by the sound of applause and cheers.
“Wow, it’s Prism.”
“Oh, right. They said they were coming, and they really did.”
“I had no idea Seungbeom was that close to them personally. I thought they’d only crossed paths briefly as trainer and trainee.”
“Still, I’m glad that person stepped in for him.”
Sensing that something was strange, I slowly turned my head and saw a tall, handsome man on the massive screen swinging his long arms and legs around.
‘…Jay?’
It seemed the camera, which had made a major blunder and had been wandering aimlessly with awkward, unfocused shots, pounced on the chance to film a famous celebrity whose actions all but screamed, ‘Film me!‘, as if it had found a savior. When our eyes finally met, Jay, looking satisfied at last, slowly lowered the arm he had been holding as high as possible, then gave me a small wave and a gentle smile.
His demeanor was as if he were nailing it down in front of everyone, “I’m his family”. As I just stared blankly at him, Jay’s lips slowly began to move.
From such a distance, and without a microphone, it was obvious that whatever he said wouldn’t reach my ears. Even so, he kept his gaze fixed on me until the end and mouthed the words.
“…….”
He mouthed, “It’s okay.”
And just like the families of the other members had done, he started acting cute for the camera. Seeing the atmosphere in the concert hall naturally brighten because of it, I thought I couldn’t let this opportunity pass and raised the microphone to my lips, ready to toss out a lame joke. But before long, I found myself unable to say a single word and had no choice but to lower the mic again.
“Hello, Muses! We’re Prism.”
“Oh my, he’s so handsome. Our Seungbeom.”
Then, through the screen, I saw the other Prism guys suddenly squeezing their faces in next to Jay and showing off their own cute acts. To top it off, they had even gotten hold of a microphone and were shamelessly throwing in their own comments.
“Wow, I’ve been watching our Pantheion since they were just adorable trainee chicks. I can’t believe how fast they grew into such amazing artists.”
“Actually, it’s not surprising at all, because all the members here were the kind of trainees that made me think, ‘Ah, they’re extraordinary‘, from the very first time I saw them.”
“That’s right. The moment I saw Seungbeom-ssi, I thought, ‘Wow, this guy’s the real deal’.”
“You’ve really worked hard all this time, Pantheion. I’ll keep supporting you from now on as well.”
Most of it was just talk about Pantheion, though.
In fact, the chemistry between Prism and Pantheion had already been a hot topic during Legendary Singer, and since Prism had genuinely given helpful feedback to Pantheion’s members, the Muses already had a pretty favorable impression of Prism.
‘They practically saved the atmosphere from turning into a complete disaster, so there’s no way anyone will see their actions in a bad light.’
But even so, that was a very risky thing to do.
‘What in the world are they thinking? Han Seungbeom and Prism aren’t that close. People are going to find it awkward. Have they not even considered that?’
Logically, I should have scolded them, asking what in the world they thought they were doing. My mind was full of things I could point out, yet I didn’t feel the need to voice them. The reason I just watched the situation unfold wasn’t because I was concerned about what the third-party onlookers might think.
I simply didn’t want to.
I wanted to let the Prism members, who were stepping forward and claiming to be my family, be as they were and take the moment in with my own eyes.
It was truly strange.
Just from that single phrase and smile, somehow the awkwardness and the unreasonable sense of loneliness I had felt so vividly just moments ago seemed to vanish completely.
‘Don’t be so dramatic. This isn’t the time for it. Get your act together, Seo Yutae.’
Muttering that to myself, I pressed hard on my brow with the palms of both hands.
‘…Have I finally relaxed?’
Just a little while ago, I was really fine.
I could have simply resumed the performance as if nothing had happened once the atmosphere was roughly settled.
But now, facing these guys, it all felt like a total lie.
It was as if the walls I had carefully built up had crumbled all at once.
“…….”
As soon as our eyes met again, that guy, as if showing me how to do it, smiled brightly once more and pointed to the perfectly upturned corners of his mouth with his fingertips. It seemed like he wanted me to smile.
Why is Jay going this far for me? It’s not like anything bad would happen if he just left me alone. Yet he treated me as if I were the most precious thing in the world.
And every time he showed that kind of attitude, I always felt uncomfortable.
Every time I faced Jay’s small but persistent gestures toward me, it felt as if he were perfectly pointing out, right before my eyes, just how poorly I had been treating myself, leaving me no way to argue. That’s why, every time, I could only reject him and try to avoid him.
But when the very last moment arrived, strangely enough, I found myself not wanting to let it go.
Because only now I am realizing that maybe all of this is, in the end, love.
Because the endless affection reflected in those eyes is just too precious to lose.
‘If I were to erase the members’ memories, would they forget even moments like this?’
I started to feel afraid.
The lingering attachment and selfishness I had been avoiding seemed to be growing stronger and stronger.
‘…Choi Jeokhyeon, where is Choi Jeokhyeon? Seo Yuseong? I can’t see them. Where on earth are they?’
Perhaps, deep down, I was secretly glad that the status window’s power didn’t work on Choi Jeokhyeon and Seo Yuseong. I knew that if their memories remained, they would surely be in pain, but selfishly, I still found myself wishing they would remember me.
Lost in my own confusion, I just stood there blankly, and I could feel the Prism members, as if sensing that something was wrong, glancing at my face with slightly stiff expressions. Some of the members had already stood up from their seats.
Even after seeing that, I couldn’t control my expression and just kept my head bowed low.
Then Woo Kangwon and Do Yuda picked up the microphones on my behalf.
“Well, it looks like it’s almost time to bring our final concert to a close. I feel so, so regretful. The time for us to say goodbye is getting closer ……. Honestly, I wish I could spend even just one more second talking with you all, but we can’t do that.”
“AAAAAAAH.”
“Huhuhuhuhu. No, everyone, you can’t cry yet. You’re not supposed to cry already. We still have a VCR left. The members prepared letters to our Myumyu with everything they wanted to tell you. Get ready to cry! After you watch that, we’ll sing our last song for you.”
“Seungbeom specially stayed up all night to make this song for today’s concert. He said he put all the words he wants to say to you all for the last time into it.”
“Seungbeom-hyung said he didn’t want a sad farewell at the end, so he intentionally tried to make it feel bright. Honestly, I think that’s a good idea too. Let’s say our goodbyes with a smile.”
I listened quietly as they introduced the next part of the concert, and when they were almost done, I bowed deeply to the audience. Then, I left the stage a little earlier than planned, and hurriedly turned to look behind me.
It was unlikely, but I couldn’t shake the anxiety that maybe everyone had disappeared.
As expected, the members of Prism and Pantheion, along with the fans, were still right there. Choi Jeokhyeon and Seo Yuseong, though, were still nowhere to be seen.
“Pantheion, please change your outfits! The VCR is long, so don’t rush and risk an accident!”
I gazed at them in silence and whispered to myself.
‘…I’m sorry. I wish you wouldn’t forget me.’
The moment I let slip those words that could never be forgiven, my breathing—which had been calm just moments ago—fell apart. I held on as long as I could, but eventually I curled up on the floor and sank down. Then, with a harsh, metallic sound, I repeatedly inhaled and exhaled shallowly.
The sound of my gasping was similar to crying, but no tears fell.
I felt that, at this moment, tears were too much for me to deserve.
I had been looking unsteady for a while, and when my body finally gave out, I could feel the surrounding staff and Pantheion’s members gasp in alarm as they grabbed hold of me.
“Hyung, pull yourself together!”
“Are you feeling unwell?”
Ah, I have to get ready to go back on stage soon.
‘I don’t want to die.’
I have to sing.
‘I don’t want to say goodbye.’
I have to say my final goodbye……
‘I wish I could have stayed with you all for a little longer.’
My voice won’t come out.
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Translator’s Corner:
I felt like I’ve really come so far after finally getting to the part where Yutae admitting he doesn’t want to die …. it really hit hard when someone who’s deeply depressed to the point they actually attempted came to realize that they don’t want to die
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