“There’s no need to be so hasty!” I held up my arms to shield myself.
The half-demon lifted her leg into the air and threw a ball of black flame at me, like a baseball pitch.
The fire engulphed me. “AAH!!” I screamed as I was set ablaze. I stopped, dropped, and rolled immediately. The fire wasn’t going out. “Help me! It hurts! Wait. No, it doesn’t. I don’t feel anything at all.” I examined my body. My body was on fire, but it wasn’t painful. My HP did not lower. There was no warmth or any feeling at all coming from the flames. It was almost like an illusion. “I see. This is one of your pranks, demon. You wanted me to think I was burning to death. Haha. Very funny.”
The half-monster scratched her cheek. “Uhm, no. Check your System. This is a spell called Black Soul Flame Fireball. You’ll probably die soon.”
“What?” I opened up my System. The status effect menu was flashing. I clicked it with haste.
[Burning Soul: Your soul is on fire. After a number of minutes equal to your Soul level, experience death.]
Why was it saying ‘experience’ as if death was some sort of fun activity? I only had two minutes left to live.
The demon pulled out a map and perused it. “Now to find a place to buy watermelons.”
I started panicking. “You’re not really going to kill me over seeing your fake watermelon boobs, are you?” She gave no answer. She totally was. “By the way, not really a good object to use as faux breasts. Anyone can tell they look unnatural at first glance. Plus, they’re way too big to be realistic!”
“Hmph. I do not care. I want them to be massive.”
“Then use water balloons or something. Watermelons are way too obvious. They’re too solid to make for good imitations.”
The demon looked as if she had never considered that before. “Good idea! With water balloons I can fill them up even more and make them even bigger!”
“No, that wasn’t the point. They have a more flesh-like consistency.”
“I appreciate the suggestion very much, child.” She ran her finger across her map. “Now where can I buy water balloons?”
I begged on my knees. “Do you appreciate the suggestion enough to put out this fire?”
“I’m afraid I am unable to cancel the spell once it has been cast. These black flames have felled dragons, kings, and even archmages. Your fate is already sealed. Goodbye.” The woman walked away. Once she left the goblin village, she summoned a spectral steed and rode off into the distance.
“Woah. I totally need to get myself a ghost horse like that.” I tried to pat out the flames on my body but as before it didn’t work. “Oh well, time for you to shine my precious skill. Get cleansed, fire.” The Cleanse skill made my skin glow white and release a small amount of tiny yellow particles.
The fire disappeared. I was so thankful that I had enough MP to cast it. If not, then I’d really have been dead. When the Charmer title popped up, I had to pick an option from now on. I wasn’t going to allow the timer to hit zero and get me killed.
Though, I was quite impressed with the Cleanse skill that I had. It proved far more useful than I could have ever imagined. It just cured me of a spell that could kill dragons, kings, and arse-mages. I didn’t really know how impressive it was to kill them, but from the half-demon’s words, it seemed pretty damn impressive.
A raven flew down and started pecking at a pile of goblin flesh. Other scavenging animals had also started to encroach on the bloody remains in the area. I took that as my cue to leave.
I was covered in filth, so I looked for some nearby running water to wash my clothes in and bathe. It wasn’t particularly hard to find a river. The goblins had built their little village close to one so they could have a source of water nearby.
I took off my filthy garments and soaked them in the river. I took a dip and washed myself with the cool water. The river was so clear. There were no discarded water bottles or cigarette packets polluting it. I took a moment to absorb my surroundings. The beautiful sky above was decorated with uniquely shaped clouds that resembled ocean waves. Trees rustled from a slight breeze and housed chirping birds. The water I was immersed in had an occasional gleaming fish swimming through it.
This world was beautiful, but I couldn’t say as much for the people inhabiting it.
I finished my bath and returned to my bag to dry off and put on some fresh clothes. Next to my bag was a large chest that wasn’t there before. There was no way that I missed it. I would have noticed something so conspicuous.
I put on my spare clothes while keeping an eye on the wooden chest. It wasn’t moving. Had someone put it there? I looked around and saw nobody. Maybe it was a magic chest that teleported there?
I stared at its keyhole. “Well, I am a lockpicker, so I suppose I’ll get to picking, if you don’t mind.”
I pulled out the soundless pick and inserted it into the keyhole. Oddly, when I scraped the pick around, I could feel nothing inside the cylinder. Where were the pins? I kept scratching around inside but the interior felt nothing like a normal lock. And I could’ve sworn I was hearing giggling. The more I raked the pick inside, the stronger the giggling became.
The laughter increased until I finally realised what was happening. I lurched backwards. The chest was some sort of monster. The interior was a carnivorous mouth with sharp teeth and a huge tongue. It was filled with slimy saliva, and it breathed heavily while recovering from laughing.
Was I tickling it? That was the only explanation that I could think of. Why else did it not just bite my head off? Those teeth certainly weren’t for show.
But the monster should have expected someone to try and pick the lock it had. Why didn’t it react? Perhaps, since it had no eyes, it relied on sound. The soundless pick made no noise whatsoever, so it didn’t know what to do. That was my best guess.
I was just glad it didn’t try to eat me. It was quite a weird creature. It mimicked a chest to try and lure people into its maw, like an anglerfish or Venus flytrap. There were plenty of creatures on Earth that used mimicry, but none of them preyed on humans.
“So, you’re a monster that mimics a chest to lure people in with your mimicry and then you make them fall prey to mimicked treasure. What shall I call you?” I snapped my fingers. “I know. You’re an imitator.”
The monster didn’t seem to understand me.
I took a closer look at its gaping maw. “Eugh.” I scrunched up my nose. “You have so much plaque. What have you been eating?” I pulled out my soundless pick and started scraping away some of the plaque from its teeth. It seemed to still be trying to catch its breath, so it didn’t protest.
It started releasing soft groans of satisfaction. I assumed it liked the feeling of having its teeth tended to. I picked off all the plaque I could with my pick. It made the weirdest sounds as I did. At times it purred, and at times it gargled. With the last bit of plaque removed, I stepped back and admired my work. Not enough, I thought. I wasn’t finished with just the plaque. These teeth needed more. I whipped out my wooden toothbrush from my bag and got to brushing.
I was surprised at how remarkably calm the creature was as I brushed its teeth. It seemed to really enjoy the cleaning, because whenever I finished with a tooth, it would run its tongue over it.
“You might take the cake for the most unusual thing I’ve seen in this world.” I finished brushing and the imitator’s teeth were sparkling. “There we go.”
The monster looked at me with a satisfied expression. I thought it was smiling but it was hard to tell. “Want some food too?” I asked and gave it some of my dried fruits.
[-104 XP]
[XP loss due to improving the dental hygiene of a monster.]
[-3946 XP]
[XP loss due to befriending a monster]
Woah those were some big gains! The reasoning was even more interesting. I didn’t expect to get XP for brushing its teeth, but I didn’t expect to befriend it either. I looked at the imitator panting happily like a dog. “You wanna be friends, huh? I guess I don’t mind.” It didn’t seem to understand even the most basic words I spoke. “But to be honest, I don’t want to fraternise with a man-eating monster.”
The chest started grazing on the grass beneath.
“Wait, so you’re a herbivore? With teeth like that? There’s no way.” I opened its mouth and crawled in. “Eat me. You’re a carnivore, aren’t you? You have to be!”
The monster spit me out and continued eating grass and fallen leaves.
I shook my head. All my hypotheses were wrong then. I collapsed to the floor in disbelief. The chest shuffled up next to me. While it ate, I stroked its hard wooden shell. “This is all so strange. Another thing, why can’t I see your name and level above your head? Is it some sort of skill or title that you have?” No response.
I relaxed with my new friend for an hour or so while my clothes dried. I didn’t want to put them back in my bag while they were still wet. The time I spent was so peaceful and pleasant.
When the chest was done with grazing it turned to me.
[Party Invite]
[Mimic has invited you to join a party.]
Huh? I just got invited to a party by a living chest. I was confused because I didn’t really know what that entailed. “Your name’s mimic then? Or I guess that would be your species.”
Weren’t parties a way for people to share XP? That was all I really knew about them. And that only worked when party members were close by.
“Even I don’t know how to send a party invite, like you just did. Wait, does that mean you have a System too? I remember hearing that monsters have purple ones. Can you show me?”
The mimic didn’t reply.
“Guess not. There’s no reason for me to refuse, is there?” I accepted the invitation. Suddenly, above the mimic’s head I could see the ‘HUD’, as Loftus called it.
[Mimic]
[Age: 4]
[Level: 8]
I wasn’t particularly interested in any of that information. I did really want to see the mimic’s System, though. Shame that I couldn’t.
The mimic started to wander off. “Leaving already?” I asked. No response. “Good chat. See you later.”
I searched through my System and entered the Party menu.
[Party (2)]
[Yarm (15), Mimic (8)]
I absentmindedly pressed on the text for the mimic. The System popped up the same details as before above its head. “I guess that’s convenient.” It wasn’t.
What caught my eye was a small 3D compass at the bottom right of the pop-up. The indicator pointed in the direction that the mimic left. “Some sort of tracking device, I think. Suppose I’ll come back and visit it occasionally to brush its teeth.”
I got up, collected my things, and started wandering the nearby forest to forage for some food. I hadn’t run out of dry food, but I wanted something fresh. I wondered if this world had tastier fruit than Earth.
Within hours I caught the eye of another monster. A giant rat stared at me from several metres away. Its vertical height reached a whole metre. It was incredibly intimidating. I tried to creep away, but when it saw me retreat, it charged.
I quickly climbed a nearby tree to get to safety. I scaled a few branches until I was about eight metres high. I was certain the rat couldn’t reach me there. I was right about that. The giant rat couldn’t climb at all. What it could do was gnaw through the trunk of the tree.
“Oh, for goodness’ sake! Why did I pick a tree so slim?” The rat’s teeth were chomping through the bark with ease. I looked into its red eyes, and I knew it wanted to kill me.
It was level 9. I should have been able to beat it easily. The thing was none of my skills, titles or stats were fit for combat! My two points in Soul increased the strength of my spells but I had nothing offensive, and no MP to boot. My Body was below zero. My Mind didn’t seem to do anything. I couldn’t have a conversation with it so Charmer wouldn’t work. I had nothing.
It was at this point that I felt like I had wasted all my level-up points. The others were disposing of monsters like this with ease. Here I was, hiding in a tree.
I could hear the tree creaking and beginning to fall. I pulled out my needles. Acupuncture was the only option I had left. As the tree fell, I jumped onto the rat’s back and held on for dear life. It bucked like a wild bull in an effort to get me off.
While it did so, I used all my acupunctural knowledge to try and find the pressure point in the rat’s neck. Did rat’s even have necks? I stabbed at it repeatedly, but the thrashing proved to be too much. The rat hurled me away. My body collided with a sturdy tree trunk.
[-14 HP]
“Thanks for letting me know, System,” I rasped. I had no idea how I was getting out of this situation. I doubted that it was possible to make friends with this rat. It had a killer instinct. And if I begged for mercy, I didn’t think it would spare me.
I stood up and started zigzagging between trees to get away. To my surprise, the rat’s nimble body was better at zigzagging than me! Changing strategy, I rummaged through my bag, pulled out my torch, and tried to light it ablaze with tinder while running.
The contents of my bag littered the forest floor, but my belongings also seemed to slow the rat down. It probably didn’t enjoy stepping on needles, that was for sure.
With time to spare, I lit the torch and held it aloft. The rat stopped chasing. “Scared of fire, aren’t you?” The rat didn’t move. “What’s wrong? Not going to run away?”
The rat clearly wanted to attack but was extremely wary of the flames.
“C’mon. Run away. Please run away. This torch isn’t going to last forever.” I started stepping towards the rat. For each step that I took, the rat took one backwards. “Please just get out of here. Otherwise, one of us is going to die. That one is probably me, so please run away.”
As a gamble, I started running towards the rat. As I ran, I screamed like a maniac. “Aeeughreblerh!!” My arm waved the burning torch in the air. The rat let out some giant droppings and then bolted into the dark woods.
That was frightening. I collected my belongings and made a mental note to research rat anatomy in the future, so I could use acupuncture on them. Night was approaching fast, and there was one big problem: I was lost.
I wasn’t as alarmed as I thought I’d be by the realisation. I was already imagining my life as a homeless hermit, just living in these woods. Civilisation was horrible anyway. There was no slavery in this forest. There was a nice mimic friend and also a giant killer rat. It wasn’t so bad here.
As the sky darkened, I set up my bedroll on the ground and decided to live here permanently.
When I laid down to rest, I had a question searing in my mind. Was the night always this loud? There were chirping crickets, hooting owls, howling wolves. I couldn’t get a wink of sleep with all this noise. A fear also manifested in my mind. If I did fall asleep, what if some wild animal just started eating me? A wolf could easily rip my throat out while I lay unconscious. I started shaking. The ground was cold and hard. There was a chilling breeze in the air too. My bedroll wasn’t enough to keep me warm.
Ok, I decided to forget about being a hermit. I was going back to base.
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