Beastmen Are Crazy, So I Sell Them Therapy

Chapter 147: Chapter 145

The students exchanged looks as one brave soul stepped forward.

"Fine."

He pointed at the cup noodles.

"We want cup noodles for every student of Voltes Class."

"Hmmmm..." I rubbed my chin thoughtfully.

The entire camp held its breath as I turned to Gawain.

"Which of these weapons are better?"

His answer came far too immediately as if he had already memorized the entire arsenal the moment he entered the camp.

"I want the Helios-Class Orbital Marker Arrays."

The nearby students immediately gasped.

Gawain’s eyes sparkled. "They automatically lock onto designated targets."

I looked back at the students. "I want all the Helios-Class Orbital Marker Arrays."

The camp exploded.

"WHAT?!"

"THAT’S OUR BEST WEAPON!"

"WE ONLY HAVE FIVE OF THOSE!"

"THOSE TOOK US ALMOST FIVE HOURS TO CARRY HERE!"

I pointed around them. "You still have weapons left anyway."

The students immediately huddled together as whispering broke out.

"This is robbery."

"We need the noodles."

"We need the Helios Arrays!"

"We need food more!"

"We can eat later."

"We’ve been saying that for six hours!"

"I’M HUNGRY!"

The debate continued for another minute.

Eventually, the exhausted-looking representative stepped forward. "...Deal."

My smile immediately widened. "Great."

The students visibly flinched.

I pointed the two massive Helios-Class Orbital Marker Arrays parked near the center of camp.

"Deliver those two to Altaire."

The representative stared. "...That’s it?"

"That’s it."

One cautiously raised his hand. "You’re not going to ask for more?"

"No."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So when will the noodles arrive?" one of them asked suspiciously.

"It’s already here."

Gawain stood up and casually pulled away a large cloth behind us revealing stacks of cup noodles.

One of them slowly wiped away a tear. "...Beautiful."

"As promised," I said while stepping away.

The silence lasted exactly one second before chaos erupted.

"YES!"

"FINALLY!"

"WE CAN EAT!"

"I’M GOING TO CRY!"

Students immediately swarmed the noodle pile. Some grabbed two, others grabbed five, and one student somehow carried an entire box and sprinted away before anyone could stop him.

It was every man for himself.

For a glorious thirty seconds, happiness filled the camp when somebody asked a question.

"...Wait."

Everyone paused.

"How can we even eat this?"

A student rolled his eyes. "You open the lid."

Another looked offended. "You chew or slurp, idiot."

A third shook his head. "Is this your first time eating noodles?"

The first student looked like he wanted to commit violence. "Dumbasses! What I’m saying is how do we eat this without hot water?"

The camp went silent.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"We don’t have chopsticks nor utensils," he continued.

Several students slowly looked at the cup noodles in their hands.

"No...."

"She tricked us..."

"Again...."

The students immediately looked around.

"WHERE IS SHE?!"

"BLANCA!"

"GET BACK HERE!"

"YOU LITTLE SCAMMER!"

Unfortunately for them, I was nowhere to be found and the only person remaining was Gawain.

He was sitting calmly watching them in ruins.

"Where’s Blanca?" a student demanded.

Gawain took a sip of water. "No idea."

Before they could interrogate him further, a group of returning Voltes students came sprinting into the territory.

"Why didn’t you guard Blanca?!"

The camp immediately turned toward them.

"What happened?"

The returning students looked personally offended.

"The Ralites students were running away carrying Blanca!"

"What?!"

"When we tried pulling her back—"

The student pointed accusingly at the heavens.

"—she yelled that if we wanted more deals with her, her only request was for us to deliver our flag to Altaire Territory!"

The camp fell silent.

"..."

"..."

"..."

"We were so dumbfounded by her request..."

The returning student covered his face.

"...that we forgot to stop them."

The leader’s eye twitched multiple times as he unleashed a scream so loud birds exploded out of nearby trees.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

His voice echoed throughout the entire forest.

Far away in another territory, several students looked up.

"Was that Voltes?"

"Probably."

"Did Blanca escape again?"

"Definitely."

"They deserve that."

~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Ralites Class Territory, 22:05

"Where am I?"

"You are in Ralites Territory right now," their leader answered.

I looked around, mentally preparing myself what kind of disaster I would witness again but I got amazed instead.

Compared to Altaire Class who couldn’t even get a single supply.

Or Soltaire Class that couldn’t even open a pull-tab canned food.

Or Voltes Class who only thought of preparing for Worl War IX.

Ralites looked... very competent.

The tents were properly set up, campfires were burning steadily, and supplies were neatly organized.

Students here actually looked like they knew what they were doing.

Even the Plasma Accelerator I had delivered earlier was positioned properly instead of being worshipped like a religious artifact.

I couldn’t help myself and started clapping enthusiastically.

The students immediately looked proud.

"You all did a very good job here."

"Thank you," the leader said with a smug smile then he suddenly remembered something. "Wait, that’s not the point—"

"Did you receive the weapon properly?"

"Yes, but—"

"Did anyone ever tell you that this is the most well-behaved class in the entire academy?"

A student immediately burst into tears. "She noticed..."

The leader pointed at me. "Stop—"

I ignored him.

"Such good boys and girls."

Several students sat straighter.

"Did you all get enough rest after setting everything up?"

Most of them immediately shook their heads.

My heart softened.

"Well then..."

I stood up.

"Let me do something for all of you."

The leader’s eyes widened.

"You’re our hostage—"

Before he could finish, three of his classmates tackled him. Someone shoved a sock into his mouth, they tied both his hands and feet, then they dragged him away.

"Shut it."

A sock was shoved into his mouth.

"Blanca is talking."

Both his hands and feet were tied.

"Know your place."

One of them dragged him away.

"Please praise us more, Miss Blanca."

The leader let out an angry muffled noise but nobody cared.

"As a reward for all your hard work..."

I pulled out a stone grill (don’t ask) then placed thick cuts of bright red pork onto the grill.

Ssssssszzzzzzz!

The sound echoed through the camp, fat slowly dripped onto the hot surface, smoke curling upward as the aroma spread instantly.

Students who had been sitting on the other side of camp suddenly turned their heads.

One student dropped his spoon, another unconsciously stood up, and a third wiped the drool from his chin as they focused on me.

The meat glistened under the firelight, golden edges, perfect grill marks, and juices bubbling on the surface.

The entire camp became silent except for the sizzling when somebody’s stomach growled loudly but nobody laughed because everyone else’s stomach immediately joined.

I smiled.

"Now then."

I looked around.

"Who here are herbivores?"

Several students immediately raised their hands.

Chickens, rabbits, deers, goats, horses, and a very excited alpaca beastkin.

I nodded.

"Perfect."

The herbivores sat straighter.

"Let me make something special for you."

Several tails immediately started wagging as I pulled out fresh vegetables, fruits, nuts, herbs, and grains.

The herbivores collectively gasped.

"I’m making roasted honey-glazed root vegetables with herb butter, grilled sweet corn brushed with maple nectar, crispy lotus root chips, caramelized pumpkin wedges, fresh berry and apple salad with candied walnuts, and creamy mushroom risotto topped with roasted chestnuts."

The herbivores started tilting their head slowly at me but I wasn’t done.

"And I’ll pair it with chilled matcha milk topped with whipped cream and honey foam."

The camp went silent.

One rabbit beastkin started crying.

A deer beastkin had both hands over his mouth.

The alpaca beastkin looked ready to propose.

"That..."

Sniff.

"...sounds amazing."

Meanwhile the carnivores were staring at the herbivore food.

"Can we eat that too?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

The herbivores immediately became protective.

"BACK OFF."

"THIS IS OUR FOOD."

"GET YOUR OWN MEAT."

"Don’t worry," I said while turning the meat over the grill. "I’ll make something for everyone."

The carnivores immediately leaned forward.

"I’ll be grilling honey-glazed ember pork ribs, smoked pepper-crusted beef medallions, herb-butter flame-seared chicken skewers, garlic rosemary lamb chops, and caramelized maple barbecue steaks."

The entire camp froze.

"And for the sauces, there’ll be roasted garlic cream, spicy smoked pepper glaze, honey herb reduction, and a sweet citrus barbecue sauce."

The carnivores looked like they were about to ascend to heaven.

One wolf beastkin slowly raised a trembling hand. "Miss Blanca..."

"Yes?"

"...Can I cry?"

"Go ahead."

Several students immediately burst into tears.

"This is the best combat exam ever."

"I love education."

"I suddenly understand why people become chefs."

Meanwhile, the herbivores weren’t any better. They were already guarding their side dishes like territorial Gollum.

"No carnivores allowed."

"Get your own food."

"I saw you staring at my roasted pumpkin."

"It was a coincidence."

"LIAR."

The camp quickly divided into two factions.

The Meat Enjoyers and the Vegetable Protectors.

But I know both sides were united by one thing and that is their willingness to defend late-night dinner with their lives.

Students who had been assigned to night patrol somehow kept wandering back again and again and again.

One student had returned six times already.

"I’m just checking security."

"You’ve checked security six times."

"It’s a very dangerous night."

Meanwhile, their leader was still tied up near a tree, his muffled protests continuing nonstop.

Jonathan finally snapped. "For the love of all things holy."

He stood up, marched toward their tied-up leader, grabbed him by the ankles, and started dragging him away.

The leader immediately began struggling.

"MMPH! MMPH! MMPH!"

Nobody cared.

Jonathan dragged him across the dirt, past the tents, past the campfire, and past several students who simply scooted their chairs aside to make room before giving him a solid kick.

The leader rolled down a small slope, disappearing behind a bush, rolling past another bush, then past a student who was currently crouching in the woods, peacefully taking a dump.

They maintained eye contact for exactly one second before the leader continued rolling and finally stopped several meters away after colliding with a tree.

"MMPH!"

The student who kicked him dusted off his hands. "Much better."

The camp immediately returned to dinner preparations and not a single person checked if their leader was alive nor a single person asked where he went.

One student even moved his chair into the leader’s former spot.

Meanwhile, I was busy flipping steaks when I suddenly realized something.

"Just to clarify..."

The students looked at me.

"Aren’t I supposed to be your hostage?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

One student slowly raised his hand. "You can just be our leader."

"Really?"

Several students nodded enthusiastically.

"Please stay, Miss Blanca."

"We promise we’ll listen."

"We’ll even make it official."

"We can vote right now."

"I vote Blanca."

"I also vote Blanca."

"Blanca."

"Blanca."

"Blanca."

Within seconds, what was apparently an election had already concluded.

I stared at them. "You people can’t just replace your leader that easily."

The students immediately feigned ignorance.

"Huh?"

"What leader?"

"We don’t have one."

"Since when did we have a leader?"

"Must be thinking of another class."

They continued staring back at me innocently.

The tied-up man in the distance let out another furious muffled scream.

"MMMPH!"

One student casually stood up and moved his chair slightly.

"Sorry."

"What are you doing?"

"Blocking the view."

The rest nodded in approval.

"Good idea."

Within moments, several students had strategically positioned themselves so nobody could see their leader anymore.

I rubbed my temples. "No."

The students immediately groaned.

"Awww."

"Why not?"

"Because I need to talk to your leader about something first."

They all groaned.

"Can’t it wait until tomorrow?"

"No."

"Next week?"

"No."

"Graduation?"

"No."

The students sighed heavily.

One of them suddenly brightened.

"Wait."

He pointed at the food.

"If we keep feeding you, will you reconsider?"

The entire camp immediately nodded.

"Good point."

"More steak!"

"Someone get the expensive seasonings!"

"Bring the drinks!"

I grabbed a pair of tongs and pointed them threateningly at everyone. "Stop trying to bribe me and just eat."

The students immediately obeyed.

"Yes, Miss Blanca."

"Understood, Miss Blanca."

"Sorry, Miss Blanca."

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