[BL] Debut in Interstellar After Retiring as Grim Reaper

Chapter 312: A Mother’s Goodbye

Liu Zhang chewed the food and swallowed it even though it felt like there’s a huge lump on his throat. He picks up another dumpling again and shoves it in his mouth.

However when he was about to chew it again, he felt a strange hardness.

He paused and spit it out carefully.

"!!!" He was stunned. It was a small golden coin.

"Hm? Did you get the coin?!" Liu Hua became excited when she saw him stunned and spit out a golden coin. This way of putting coins inside dumplings is usually just for the lunar new year and Liu Zhang always remembers those times when his mother would deliberately give him the special dumpling that contains the coin.

When his father was alive, he would act as if he was angry at her partiality and he would just watch them bickering like old times again with a huge smile on his face. Even when his father died, his mother never failed to forget that method just to make him smile. It was one of the precious memories that he always carries wherever he goes especially during the time when his ex wife left him and he was just alone in that small room with no one else.

Remembering that memory made his hand tremble again. The golden coin slipped on his chopsticks and it fell into the table.

With a clang, it also made him come back to his senses. He quickly apologized and wanted to pick it up but she did it faster.

"AZhang..."

Liu Zhang stiffened. Her voice no longer sounds the usual with bright energy and her nagging, instead he could feel it carries gentleness.

"AZhang," She called again. "My son... I’m sorry that I couldn’t wait for you."

"!!!" He abruptly stood up and his face went pale.

"N-No, Mom!" He kneeled down with a heavy thud and all the restrained emotions burst out.

"M-Mom, please don’t say sorry!" He hurriedly stopped her words while shaking his head. "It’s not you that should be saying those words! It’s me! It’s me who failed you!"

Tears were streaming down like waterfalls but he didn’t care. He could feel his heart aching in so much pain. It was as if there was a hand tightly gripping it like it wanted to pop his heart. It felt suffocating that he’s having a hard time breathing. However he didn’t care and even felt like all this pain was not enough. It’ll never be enough from all what his mother suffered because of him.

"M-Mom, I’m sorry," he wailed. "I-I’m sorry for failing you! I’m sorry for being so selfish! I’m sorry that I am not a good son!" He tremblingly took her hands and caressed the calluses and wrinkles.

This was the hand that worked so much just to give him a life. This is his mother who never gave up carrying so much responsibility just for him.

"I-I..." He could feel a lump on his throat but he forced himself to speak all the feelings that were buried inside his heart. "I-I wanted to give you a better life. I was too scared to go home and disappoint you. Mom, I was shamed for not being filial to you. I’m sorry that I failed you!"

Every time that he spent away was like a knife dangling in front of him. He could not afford anything. He could not do anything because he was too scared. He wanted to move fast. He wanted to run and work harder than anyone else so he could save money.

He wanted to go home fast and give everything that should have been to his family but it was later than he expected. It took too much time until his mother left.

"It’s because your son is very incompetent! Mom, I’m very sorry!"

There was a moment of silence after he wailed out everything for a few seconds before he heard a soft sigh from her.

"AZhang, don’t kneel." His mother guided him to sit again. He obliged but his head remained lowered as he couldn’t face her anymore.

"AZhang, I know that fate was a bit cruel to us. I know that you work hard for us and I know that you just wanted the best as soon as possible." Her voice sounded very gentle as she poured the last tenderness she could give. "It might be a little too late but I hope that you can move forward, not just for me but also for Xiaoyuan and to the family that’s waiting for you."

"W-What’s good about doing my best when I couldn’t even give you a better life..." He mumbled in a low voice.

"AZhang, your efforts was never wasted, okay? All the hard work that you did was enough for me." She put her hand on his shoulder. "Son, I know that there will always be regret in your heart but I don’t want you to live like that. It’s already enough for me to see that you will have a better life."

"B-But—"

"The most precious thing that a mother could wish for was to see her family safe and happy. That’s all matters, AZhang."

"...." Liu Zhang felt like he still couldn’t just let go of all the regret and guilt inside his heart.

Liu Hua picked the golden coin and put it in his hand. "Do you remember what I always told you about this golden coin? It means the person who got this may have a prosperous life. Ever since you were a child, I’ve been hoping for a successful life for you. Me and your father failed to give you that life and all we could do is to shower you with love and laughter, that’s the only thing we could."

"M-Mom, you did." Liu Zhang finally raises his head and tries to give her a smile. "I-I am very happy with you and Dad."

"Then I also hope that you will shower your family with that. Always remember that, alright?"

He nodded repeatedly. Liu Hua extended her fingers and wiped his tears.

"AZhang, look forward. I might not be on your side anymore but always remember that I am just in your heart. We will always be a family."

Liu Zhang pursues his lips. It has been this way. She never failed to wipe away all the things that bothers him the most.

Since his mother hopes for him to be that way, he will do his best. He didn’t know the future so he cannot promise her that everything will be alright but he will remember these words and do his best to make things better.

"M-Mom, goodbye..." Liu Zhang could only helplessly bury his head in her arms. Her hands went to his hair and caressed him like when he was a child.

For the last time, he felt her love and warmth from this embrace.

"Goodbye..."

*****

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