Fear not the path of Truth for the lack of People walking on it.
~ Robert F. Kennedy
_____
Poor Homelander.
One of the strongest supes in America, and right now he looked like some big mutt left forgotten in the corner.
All he could do was watch these two noobs go at each other.
"Kid, let me show you what a spitting Lamplighter can do!"
Hillel worked the controller, shamelessly hosing fire across the screen from a safe distance.
Ryan hammered the buttons like he was trying to break them.
The Guardian’s model in the game looked damn near identical to the real thing—golden V logo, cape flapping behind him.
The skill panel was straight-up overpowered.
But the developers had nerfed the shit out of this character, over and over. There was even that big scrolling warning plastered across the screen.
[Due to version balance adjustments, this character’s damage coefficient has been reduced by 25%]
Word was, with all the drama blowing up the past few days, players were review-bombing the game hard. Some pissed-off fans were straight-up flaming the developers, calling it a betrayal of America to disrespect The Guardian like that.
Same old trick. Slap the un-American label on anything that pisses you off.
"Watch my sliding The Guardian. Dodge with perfect invincibility frames!"
Ryan didn’t move like any beginner.
"Good lad. When I get back, I’m telling your mom you’ve been ditching the tablet to watch gaming guides instead of studying."
Hillel had been a student once. He knew how it went.
Ryan didn’t give a damn. He ran The Guardian through a buttery combo.
Heat Vision, flying tackle, low attack, jump tap, Marauder triple strike... every move whiffed.
"Noob!" Hillel laughed loud.
Then his fingers flew over the stick like he’d been playing this shit for decades.
Light projectile rapid-fire, Slicer heavy hit, low attack, high attack, jump pounce... all of it missed too.
Annie clutched her stomach, laughing so hard she nearly choked on the food in her mouth.
"Big noob!"
Ryan fired the exact same words right back at him.
Homelander squatted nearby, picking at the carpet with his fingers.
"Ryan, don’t use foul language. That’s not good," the old man reminded him from the side.
But he got ignored harder than a damn Translucent.
Homelander started wondering if maybe Translucent had pulled that invisible act inside the bathroom just to get the rest of the team to notice him.
The fight between Hillel and Ryan wasn’t some casual button-mash. Even a seasoned gambler wouldn’t have called which side had the edge.
"Bro, look at the cooldown! I’ve got my ultimate ready!"
"You even know how to land it?"
"Bullshit. I can land it on you as easily as rubbing a dog."
"Noob Lamplighter. You’re not even worth a single hair on The Guardian’s head!"
Ryan was getting more and more uninhibited.
Annie gave him a little reminder from the side, and Ryan reined in his words and actions a bit.
That only made Homelander feel worse.
Ryan was actually willing to listen to Annie January.
Hillel kept playing and stumbled on a little trick. If you flicked the stick and then tapped the direction three times lightning-fast, you could drop a wall of light.
If The Guardian ran into it, he’d eat a stun.
Then a barrage of fireballs, and the opponent’s health bar would drain fast.
"Wahahahaha! Little noob, watch how I deal with you!"
Hillel let out a loud laugh.
Then he tried to copy it.
Sometimes what the brain plans and what the fingers actually pull off are two different things.
Even if you nailed the inputs, the game only ran at 60 frames. No way the hardware could keep up with that speed.
"Damn! Sliding The Guardian—this shit’s too cheap! Keeps using invincibility frames to sneak up behind me?"
"Now I’m rubbing you like a dog!" Ryan shot back, laughing like a maniac.
Hillel glanced back without thinking and caught Ryan, deep in the fight, standing on his tiptoes on the stool without even realizing it.
Oh ho ho.
He had an idea.
Right as he was about to get finished off, Hillel moved fast—yanked the chair right out from under Ryan.
Ryan lost his balance and dropped on his ass. The controller flew across the room.
Hillel went in for the kill.
Slide, back jump, kick, Destroyer Impact, fireball barrage... missed a few times, but it didn’t matter. Ryan’s health bar got wiped clean.
"You’re cheating!!" Ryan’s face flushed red with anger.
He hadn’t seen exactly what Hillel did, but that stool had definitely been pulled out from under him.
"Hahahaha!!! Kid, you’re still too young. Things out in the world are messy as hell. Open attacks are easy to dodge, but the sneaky shit catches you off guard. I’m teaching you some basic defensive psychology! See? You let your guard down right there!"
Ryan punched Hillel.
"Damn it! You cheated!! I demand a rematch!!"
Hillel stood with his hands clasped behind his back, looking every bit the smug teacher.
"If God hadn’t created me, The Guardian, the path of gaming would be eternal darkness. Go back and grind some more. Chasing cheap wins and losses like this puts you in the lower tier!"
"Pfft~ Bahahaha!" Ryan and Hillel both burst out laughing at the same time. Homelander snatched up the controller right away.
"Ryan, Daddy can play too. Let the two of us have a round!"
Ryan dropped the controller on the floor. "Nope, even though it was all fun, I’m sure I’d have won. I’m done playing!"
The kid plopped back onto the sofa, with a resigned look that screamed the same superiority the youngsters feel about the adults while watching Home Alone.
Annie shot Hillel a glare. "How are you acting like a damn child? Can’t win so you pull tricks?"
Hillel didn’t even blink. "I didn’t do shit. I beat Ryan fair and square with my own skill!"
"Pfft! Childish." Ryan turned his head away.
Homelander looked over at Hillel. "Then brother... how about a round with me?"
"Have you played before?" Hillel asked.
"No."
"Then you’re not worthy of battling me!"
Homelander: "..."
Annie decided to get justice for Ryan. She grabbed the controller.
"I’ll do it. I’m a high-level player!"
"After that last fight my mental energy’s shot. Let’s do it next time. You wouldn’t want to win by taking advantage of a tired man, right?" Hillel always had some excuse ready.
"What the hell are you mumbling about?"
Annie reached over and knocked him on the head.
She yanked her hand back with a wince. Hillel’s skull was rock-hard. She already knew that from personal experience.
"Um... is nobody playing anymore?" Homelander held the controller up like a lost puppy.
"Playing games at home is boring. Why not hit an amusement park?" Annie January suggested.
"Amusement park?"
Ryan’s eyes lit up.
"Good, good, good! Amusement parks are fun!"
Homelander stood tall. "Ryan, Daddy will take you to The Seven Theme Park. I’ve got a massive statue of myself there—spectacular as hell!"
Ryan looked at Hillel. "Is The Guardian coming too?"
"What real man wastes time at that place? It’s for little kids."
Ryan nodded. "True."
"By the way, Ryan, do you play any online games? WoW? FF14? Guild Wars? Hamster?" Hillel asked.
In the world of The Boys a lot of things ran parallel to reality. Plenty of supe games existed, but there were also plenty of old titles built around other themes.
"What are those?" Ryan had zero clue.
"Looks like you’ve still got plenty to learn. Come on, let’s add each other as friends! We’ll start with the most kid-friendly game next time, Warhammer 40,000: Darktide."
Hillel pulled out his phone and suddenly remembered Homelander still owed him one.
"John, why the hell are you so selfish!!" Hillel snapped his head around.
Homelander: "???"
What the fuck did I do now?
It took Hillel spelling it out before Homelander remembered he’d crushed one of Hillel’s phones earlier.
"No, you’ve got an annual salary in the hundreds of millions. You’re really still holding a grudge over one phone? You’ve been sitting on this until now?"
Homelander felt this was getting a little too... brotherly.
"Nonsense. The one you smashed wasn’t some cheap piece of shit. It was a limited edition—three thousand dollars!" He lied, it was cheap as fuck.
"Weren’t you broke as hell back then? How could you even afford a three-thousand-dollar phone?" Homelander sounded skeptical.
"Don’t worry about that!"
Homelander gave in and paid up, handing Hillel the latest Fruit Pro Max.
He bought one for Ryan too.
Then he saved his own number, Annie January’s, and Hillel’s into the contacts.
"I got The Guardian’s phone number!!! Daddy, thank you! This is the best gift I’ve ever received!!"
Ryan bounced around with excitement and then threw his arms around Homelander in a tight hug.
Homelander froze.
"It’s just... it’s just a phone!"
"You’re simply the best daddy in the world!"
Ryan’s offhand words landed right in Homelander’s chest.
...
[Homelander — Mood Changes: Hit by reality → Withdrawn → Sulking → Surprise → Pleasant surprise (Daddy’s Good Boy)]
[Obtained Ability Points: +2,450]
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