“…Tranquilizer?”
I had followed Nicholas-hyung, who left the dorm without a word of explanation, all the way here without getting any sleep. I was already quite exhausted, and hearing a word I could never have imagined left my mind feeling completely blank, as if a bomb had gone off in my head.
I wasn’t the only one who reacted that way. Every member except Nicholas-hyung looked pale and bewildered. Not long after, they all shook their heads and forced a smile. We had all come to the same conclusion; that the person he was talking about couldn’t be Seungbeom-hyung.
“W-We must have come to the wrong place, so we’ll be leaving now. We apologize for intruding at this late hour. Please continue your conversation with Nicholas-hyung.”
No matter how close we were to his nephew, barging in like this without even being properly dressed for an outing must have been unpleasant for him. That was probably why he had looked down at us earlier as if he were evaluating us. If Seungbeom-hyung wasn’t here, we needed to leave quickly and continue searching for him. With that thought in mind, we hurriedly moved away.
But then, a quiet voice spoke up behind us.
“There’s no way we came to the wrong place.”
It was Nicholas-hyung who spoke, his head lowered and fists clenched as we stood there in shock.
“…Did he find out?”
Everything was puzzling.
I kind of hoped the man wouldn’t understand those words, which were filled with nothing but anxiety, but he neither shook his head nor denied them. At that, Nicholas-hyung clenched his teeth so hard that I could hear them grind.
“Let me see him. Isn’t that what you gave me the address for?”
“…Well, if you want to meet him, then you should. I know very well how terribly fond Yutae is of you, so how could I recklessly turn you away?”
“…….”
“But he still needs to rest, so you mustn’t cause a commotion. Understand?”
From the moment he opened the door, he seemed so guarded, as if he were hiding his inverted scale1, so I fully expected him to refuse us entry until the end. But then, as if handling a much younger child, he gently ran his fingers through Nicholas-hyung’s hair and readily allowed us to enter.
The overbearing atmosphere from earlier had vanished, replaced by an incomparably gentle attitude. For a moment, I wondered if my eyes were deceiving me. Watching him act like a completely different person only amplified the strange sense of unease I had felt from the start. If I had to pinpoint the exact moment it began, it would be when “Yutae” was mentioned.
‘…They said he was friends with Seo Yutae-sunbaenim. Was Nicholas-hyung also acquainted with him?’
Nicholas-hyung harshly brushed his hand away and snapped, “Don’t imitate him. It’s unsettling.”. I couldn’t stand the return of the icy tension and, with my eyes tightly closed, forced out a shaky response.
“Uh, the person inside … Is it Seungbeom-hyung?”
At that, his red eyes slowly shifted toward me. The moment our gazes met, I quickly dropped my eyes to the floor, but he replied with a soft smile, as if nothing was amiss.
“I can’t exactly say no.”
“…….”
If it was Han Seungbeom, then it was Han Seungbeom. If not, then it wasn’t. What did he even mean by “I can’t exactly say no”? More questions only kept piling up. But rather than addressing his vague statement, our priority was to find out Seungbeom-hyung’s whereabouts, so we hurried to move forward.
But just then, as our manager-hyung followed behind us, that man took a step toward him.
At this unexplained action, our manager-hyung, looking a little confused, hesitated and took a step back, glancing at the man cautiously. But the man simply looked down at him in silence.
He didn’t explicitly tell him to leave, but his attitude communicated the message loud and clear: “You are not allowed to enter, and I have no intention of explaining why or entertaining any objections.”
Seeing this, Kangwon-hyung, who had been anxiously worrying about Seungbeom-hyung, hurriedly spoke.
“Manager-nim, you haven’t had a chance to eat yet, so please go get something to eat. You also need to contact the company to let them know we found him, right?”
At first, manager-hyung refused, insisting that he should be here too. However, when the owner of the room didn’t budge an inch, he hesitated for a long moment before finally relenting. He said, “Then I’ll go buy something for you all to eat, but please keep an eye on Seungbeom-ssi and make sure he doesn’t disappear again”, before leaving.
“…….”
As we stepped into the room, we froze at the sight before us.
“What, the…….”
The furniture, which must have been arranged nicely at first, was now completely out of place, as if someone had thrashed around on the bed in a fit. The blankets and sheets were all crumpled as well.
The person lying motionless on the bed was undeniably Seungbeom-hyung. But it was difficult to say he looked exactly as I remembered.
The weight he had painstakingly gained over several months since I first met him, through forced meals and exercise, seemed to have completely vanished in just a few days. It was hard to believe there was anything left for him to lose, yet his arms and legs, sprawled limply across the bed, looked even thinner.
“He’ll wake up soon.”
It seemed the man had been telling the truth earlier; there were needle marks visible on his skin.
‘…Did they give him injections because he couldn’t take the medicine by mouth?’
With dark shadows sinking beneath his eyes, he looked like someone who had suffered a great loss, just barely breathing. I didn’t want to say something so thoughtless, but that was truly how he appeared.
Something was wrong.
The situation was unfolding differently from what I had expected.
“What in the world happened?”
Lee Danbi also seemed shocked, his eyes trembling as he looked at our hyung before turning to the man and asking the question. The man replied calmly, as if discussing something entirely ordinary.
“He tried to commit suicide.”
“…….”
My vision went white, and I felt a numbing, almost painful sensation in my head, as if I’d been struck.
“What … did you just say…….”
“He was trying to drown himself in the sea, so I forcibly pulled him out.”
The words I stammered out to deny reality were met with an even more horrifying and blunt response than before. Had I ever heard anything this shocking in my life? No one around me had ever done such a thing. And no one ever should.
Seungbeom-hyung was like our mental pillar.
He was someone who never wavered, someone steadfast who would never break down no matter what happened.
But that Seungbeom-hyung tried to kill himself?
“…Lies. That’s a lie. Don’t say something so ridiculous.”
The first thing that came out of my mouth was denial. Even though I was witnessing with my own eyes the state Seungbeom-hyung was in, I still couldn’t accept it.
I couldn’t believe it.
No, I didn’t want to believe it.
If I could, I wanted to pretend I didn’t know and escape this situation.
I didn’t know what to do or how to react, I was just confused and scared.
‘…Why did he do that?’
I couldn’t begin to grasp what could have happened to break down someone so strong in such a short time. The man, who appeared to know something, seemed to have no intention of explaining it to us at all.
“…….”
Why did he even tell us this story?
Was this even something we were allowed to know in the first place?
“Ah, well, he’s okay now, is he? Right?”
My thoughts were completely jumbled, and I began to lose my ability to discern what was appropriate to say and what wasn’t. Desperate for any reassurance that could erase the fear tormenting me, I spoke without thinking.
“…….”
No matter how I looked at it, the problem didn’t seem to be solved.
Everyone knew that Seungbeom-hyung was far from okay. But no one answered me. They were all just staring blankly at him, like they were in a trance.
After an unknowingly long time had passed, Nicholas-hyung approached the bed and carefully took hold of his wrist. Then, his eyelashes fluttered, and his tightly closed eyes slowly opened, looking dazed and unfocused.
After a few futile attempts, he finally managed to pull himself upright and spotted us.
“Why are you guys here…….”
After muttering something in a hoarse voice, my hyung belatedly flinched and recoiled. His back hit the headboard hard, but he seemed too preoccupied to notice. Then, his despair-filled eyes locked onto the room’s owner before immediately shifting to Nicholas-hyung. In that brief moment, he seemed to have already pieced together what had happened.
And in an instant, heat flushed his face, which had been pale and drained of color just moments ago.
He looked like someone who had shown something they shouldn’t have—his own vulnerability—and was now overcome with shame.
It was obvious he still needed to rest, but my hyung abruptly sat up and left the bed. With his back turned to us, he shifted his gaze to the bedside table. It seemed less like he had something to do and more like he was desperately searching for anything to keep himself occupied, just to hide his agitation.
“A, ah…….”
There was a clattering sound as he rummaged through the items randomly. Fortunately, his restless hand finally found and gripped a glass. Though it was empty, it seemed to offer him some semblance of comfort, as he began to speak in a voice that was at least somewhat closer to his usual tone.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t contact you in advance. Since we have to prepare for a comeback soon, you must have been really anxious since the person who needs to compose the songs suddenly disappeared. Something came up for a bit.”
I was desperate. Clinging to the vain hope that we could just move past this situation as if nothing had happened, I told myself, ‘Yeah, my hyung wants to act like everything is fine’, and ‘My hyung doesn’t know we’ve heard what happened.’ Using those excuses, I deliberately responded cheerfully.
“Exactly, hyung. You were completely unreachable, so even our manager-hyung ended up calling your family…….”
Clang!
The moment I mentioned Seungbeom-hyung’s ‘family‘, the glass he had been gripping so tightly that his knuckles turned white slipped from his hand and crashed to the floor. Broken shards scattered sharply across the floor, but my hyung didn’t spare them a single glance. Instead, he just stared at us blankly before asking in a trembling voice.
“…Who?”
“Yo-Your parents seemed busy, so the call ended before we could properly explain the situation. But instead, someone who said she was your aunt reached out and asked us to let her know if anything happened to Seungbeom-hyung. I think the manager-hyung is probably contacting her right about now…….”
“Don’t!”
It was the first time Seungbeom-hyung’s voice had come out so sharp. His hand, still frozen in the shape of gripping the cup, began to tremble violently. Anyone could see his condition wasn’t normal. Just as the growing unease started to get to us, Kangwon-hyung spoke.
“I’m sorry, but she’s probably already been contacted. We didn’t know you’d dislike it this much, but your family must be really worried, so I thought they should know. Your aunt was so worried about you that she even cried. That’s what family does. You have a younger brother too, so you understand how that feels, right?”
He spoke in a gentle tone, trying not to provoke him further, but strangely enough, Seungbeom-hyung let out a stifled groan, as if the words pained him even more. Watching his hands tremble so violently as they clutched his face, I began to seriously doubt whether he had really been given a tranquilizer at all.
“We came because we’re worried about you, Seungbeom-ah. We’re in the same group.”
The moment Kiryang-hyung, who had been anxiously trying to say something, called Seungbeom’s name, his hands dropped from his face. Then, he turned his shaking eyes toward us and spoke, his breath ragged.
“…No.”
“What is it, Seungbeom-ah?”
“No. I’m not Han Seungbeom. I’m just, a worthless piece of trash who’s still alive because I stole my child’s shell, so don’t contact his aunt…….”
[END OF DO YUDA’S POV]
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Translator’s Corner:
역린, means inverted scale (of a dragon). It originated from the “Book of Master Han Fei”. It refers to a scale (鱗) under a dragon’s chin that grows backwards (逆) and causes the dragon to enter a fit of rage if touched.
"The dragon, being a creature, may be tamed, played with in close quarters, and even ridden. However, below its throat are the inverted scales, each spanning one chi. The dragon would kill anyone touching them. A prince of men has those inverted scales too. Persuaders might have a chance at success, provided that they can avoid touching the inverted scales of the prince."
It originally used as an analogy for the anger of the monarch. Unlike Western dragons, the Eastern dragons have a good side and can make rain or be a ride, but they will chase and kill anyone who touches this specific inverted scale even to the ends of the earth. Here, the dragon refers to the ruling class or superiors who have full authority, and you can rise to power by catching the eye of those people. On the other hand, if you touch a sensitive matter and incur their anger, they will bring you down.
However, it kinda misused now to refer someone’s fatal weakness, so “Achiles’ heel” is the closest english term similiar to it.
I just used the literal translation because it sounds fitting. Dragon’s rage. ↩︎
Well, I don’t have anything to say
There’s a sad news that just happened in K-industry if you saw the news. I want to talk about it but … let’s wait until official statement is made. Have a good day everyone, please don’t forget to eat and drink a lot of water!
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