When I thought back to my childhood memories, the first thing that came to mind was a room full of garbage. It was the outcome of my mother’s pathological obsession with adorning herself, which led her to repeatedly buy more items than she could ever use, and leave them piled on the floor.
‘Perhaps my mother had mental health issues since then.’
The nanny who had taken care of me since I was young was very worried whenever I got close to such a mother. Nevertheless, as a young child, I think I tried to clean up the piles of garbage a few times, but soon realized the futility of my efforts when I saw the house return to its original state. The only fortunate thing was that the piles of garbage mainly consisted of unused luxury goods and various cosmetics, so there were no problems with odors or insects.
“Jeokhyeon-ah, look. All of this was bought by him. Ah, he definitely still loves me…….”
For as long as I could remember, my mother was always like that.
She never stepped out of the house, and all she ever did was sit in front of the mirror, adorning her already stunning appearance to make it even more beautiful.
My mother had long eyelashes, red lips, ruby-like eyes, and skin as fair as snow with a rosy blush, so she was naturally much more beautiful than others, even without makeup. However, she was driven by a compulsion to always be perfectly dressed up, refusing to remove her makeup even when she slept.
It was surely because she hoped that my father, who had never appeared once since I was born, might come looking for her.
“Oh my, you look exactly like your father.”
But my mother would always think of my father when she looked at me.
“As long as you’re here, your father will come looking for me again.”
And perhaps because of that, my mother was always extremely afraid of me stepping outside the house.
I have known since before I was old enough to understand that I was a child born of my father’s affair.
“He said he would abandon that woman and marry me. That’s what he promised!”
My mother loved to sit the young me beside her and tell me how much my father praised her beautiful appearance, and how great of a social status he had.
It was quite an ordeal to listen to the same stories day in and day out without being able to leave my mother’s side. It felt like listening to a child’s constant tantrum, and by the time I got a little older, I started to get really irritated.
So, I thought I should break her so she would never bring it up again.
“Mother, what kind of great love can you expect from a pathetic man who leaves his wife and children for another woman? Please, just accept that he has abandoned you. No matter how much you deny it, it doesn’t change the reality that I carry your family name, and we live here without being accepted as part of his family.”
“…What?”
As I whispered softly, her face, which had been made even whiter with powder on her fair skin, instantly withered and darkened, like that of an old man on the verge of death. Despite seeing that dreadful sight, I didn’t stop and kept talking.
“You’re so obsessed with your beauty because you have nothing else to offer, aren’t you? But that selfish man you love needs a wife with a wealthy background and a good education, not someone like you. So, stop indulging in this meaningless charade of love, don’t bother me, and live a life where you can make better use of what you have.“
“Why doesn’t he need me? I gave birth to you and raised you!”
“…Look at yourself now. Just because the person you loved abandoned you, you’ve become a filthy and pathetic person, living surrounded by garbage. And I’ve already grown sick and tired of you.”
The moment I said those words, my mother, like a madwoman, started muttering, “You’re going to abandon me too, just like your father?“. She crawled across the floor, rummaging through the pile of garbage until she found something shiny. Then, trembling all over, she gripped it so tightly that her hand bled and immediately swung it at me.
“Aaaaaaah! Don’t lie to me!”
It was a shard of a broken mirror.
I felt a hot sensation near my neck, and then bright red blood dripped onto the floor. As I stood there quietly staring at it, I heard a loud noise and the nanny, who had rushed over, screaming in a way that sounded like she might tear her throat.
“Young master! Blood!”
My mother had always been out of her mind as far as I could remember, so I had expected something like that to happen. That’s why I didn’t show much reaction, but my nanny clearly couldn’t do the same.
“…Don’t shout over something trivial. It gives me a headache.”
The nanny, who had been frozen in shock at my calm expression and voice, eventually snapped out of it and rushed me to the emergency room. Only after I’d received some basic first aid did her tension seem to ease, and she burst into tears as she frantically made a phone call.
“I really can’t do this anymore. Her own son … I really can’t handle something like this. I’m terrified.”
I watched as the nanny twirled the strings of her apron around her finger. Then, the moment she finished her call, I smiled and looked down at her tear-streaked face before asking her this question.
“Nanny, are you sad?”
Then, the worry and sympathy that had been written all over the nanny’s face vanished, replaced in an instant by disgust and fear. She looked terrified, as if she were standing before a madman or a monster, and for some reason, I felt a strange sensation stir within my chest.
“…….”
My mood suddenly turned sour.
As I started scratching the wounded area wildly, feeling as if insects were crawling over my skin, the nanny froze in shock before hastily responding in a panic.
“…Of course, I was worried! How could I not be sad when young master is hurt?”
It was strange.
I finally got the answer I was looking for, but each time her voice trembled, my mood became even worse. As I shook off the nanny and tried to leave the hospital, men in suits entered and blocked my path.
“Where are you going?”
The man who seemed to be their leader introduced himself as ‘Grandfather’s secretary‘. The moment I saw the business card he handed me, I realized my father’s identity, and I could also guess what kind of situation I was about to face.
“Once you’re finished with the treatment, let’s go home together and collect your belongings. You don’t have to stay there any longer.”
In fact, despite everything I had just poured out to my mother, I already knew that I wasn’t entirely a meaningless existence to that family.
Even though my mother never did anything to earn a living, I, surprisingly, never experienced a life of poverty.
A large, high-end apartment, private school tuition that would be hard to afford for an average family, and my mother’s excessive luxury. In fact, it would be more accurate to say that there was an overflow. And it was pretty obvious who was covering the costs of all this. It was also clear who had hired the nanny in place of my mother, who had no interest in how I turned out.
“Why? After pretending I didn’t exist all these years, did his heart suddenly sink after hearing that I almost died? Just because we’re related by blood?”
“…You take after your father a lot.”
I didn’t answer that comment, which was similar to what my mother had always said to me.
As I headed home with the secretary to pack my few belongings, my mother cried tears of joy. She seemed to have completely forgotten about how she had harmed me.
“Finally! … Finally, he’s come for me, right? He wants me to come back! Aah, thank goodness!”
The expression on her face, clinging to the secretary’s leg, was one of intense pleasure and joy like I had never seen before. It was so absurd that I couldn’t help but snort and burst into uncontrollable laughter. Then, I spoke on behalf of the secretary, who was standing there stiff as a board.
“You’re really completely abandoned now. Is it still not clear to you?”
I didn’t exactly feel a sense of victory. I thought entering that family was completely meaningless. After all, I was nothing more than an impurity in that family. But I just found it amusing, the situation my biological mother was in.
After I spoke those words, as I turned around, I noticed the nanny and the secretary staring at me, speechless. They had the same expression I’d seen on the nanny earlier at the hospital.
From that point on, I grew up in that house without ever contacting my biological mother again. From the beginning, I was instructed by my father and grandfather to forget about my mother entirely, and frankly, I myself had lost all interest in her.
And after some time had passed, I received the news that my biological mother had died.
She didn’t have any major physical illnesses, she never left the house, and there wasn’t even a fire or any kind of accident in her house, so I have no idea what could have caused her death.
I didn’t look into it. I didn’t want to.
But still, I felt like if I didn’t see it for myself just once, this feeling of bugs crawling in my mind would never go away, so I quietly headed to the funeral home with my nanny.
However, when I arrived there, all I felt was that I had ‘wasted my time‘ and a sense of unpleasantness. As I stared at her portrait, the image of that face, tearfully kneeling in front of the secretary, kept resurfacing in my mind.
Just as I was about to leave the funeral home without any lingering attachment, a child in the mourning room next door caught my eye.
“His mother just passed away … but he doesn’t cry, he just keeps looking at his brother’s face, as if he’s not sad at all.”
It was hard to pretend I didn’t see him. Everyone present was whispering while looking at that child. The child, despite knowing his mother had died, simply wore an indifferent expression.
“Hyung, are you sad?”
If you reveal your true feelings so immaturely, you’ll earn the contempt of those around you.
As someone who had experienced it multiple times, I was naturally expecting the typical outcome. However, contrary to my expectations, I heard a very affectionate voice.
“…Yes, I’m sad.”
In that moment, I felt as if the world had stopped. Every sensation in my body was heightened, and my heart began to race with a sense of exhilaration. Slowly, I turned my head to look at the owner of that voice.
You were gently holding the child’s small hand against your cheek, where tears were streaming down.
And then, you affectionately whispered while pressing your forehead against his.
“Because you will never be able to see our mother again, that you lost her love at such a young age … I am sad.”
“…….”
“And you can be sad too. We just have to try together.”
I stared at the scene in a daze, then murmured absentmindedly.
“…I want to have it too.”
“…Young master?”
My brain felt like it was burning with an intense greed that I couldn’t control. I no longer cared about the nanny’s expression. Lost in the pleasure and joy of finally finding someone who could fill the emptiness within me, I began to speak with a radiant smile on my face.
“Nanny, I’m going to create a family.”
“This time, a true family that I have chosen with my own hands.”
Wasn’t there a time when I, drunk, told you about my childhood?
Even though I didn’t mention my mother’s death, I told you everything I’d said to her back then, and the reactions of those who witnessed it. Then, you held onto my heavy, sagging body and let out a deep sigh.
And then, after pausing for a moment, you looked at me with a steady gaze and whispered softly.
“You, were you really laughing at that time?”
“You know. Until then, had your mother ever really looked at you properly?”
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Translator’s Corner:
No guys. I didn’t translate anything strangely. It is exactly as it is … if anything, I tried to make everything sounds family friendly ….
This chapter makes me think it wouldn’t be a bad choice to isekaid as CJH’s mother when he’s still a baby. A gorgeous woman being supported by chaebol family, with the man already has zero interest in her, and she can live comfortably doing nothing with a handsome son … sign me up. I definitely #CanFixHim. We can adopt the Seo brothers in the meantime too. But her death sounds suspicious though …. I 100% didn’t think it’s a natural death
But also … I want Seo Yutae in my life oh my godness. If I really didn’t get isekaid in this universe in the next life, I’M GOING TO RIOT (999+). THE WORLD WITHOUT SEO YUTAE IS SO CRUEL ??? WHY IS HE FICTIONAL ????
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